This is so me

I took another one of those tests:

The Peacemaker (the Nine)
Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.
Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
Ask me questions to help me get clear.
Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
Let me know you like what I've done or said.
Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.


What I Like About Being a Nine

being nonjudgmental and accepting
caring for and being concerned about others
being able to relax and have a good time
knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe


What's Hard About Being a Nine (The negatives are definitely me.)

being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
being confused about what I really want
caring too much about what others will think of me
not being listened to or taken seriously

Back at Lin's

So I'm at Lindsay's again,and therefore I can post. Jase and Tom are back in town. Life is wonderful. I have missed Jase soooo much, it's good to have him around again (if only for the week). It's good to hangout with Tom too although he's mainly preoccupied. Jase had me convinced to come back to CO with him earlier today, and then my mother reminded me of previously made obligations and destroyed those plans. It would have been so fun. Oh well. I guess I should stick around here and do something with myself. I really do want to get out there and bond with the guys at some point though.

So I Took J's Test

J, I think I enjoy these things as much as you do. Unfortunately Teacher was not on the list of possible jobs for me. Hmmm.


Career Inventory Test Results


Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 63%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness ||||||||| 30%
Altruism ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Inquisitiveness ||||||||||||||| 50%




You are an Inspirer, possible professions include - conference planner, speech pathologist, HR development trainer, ombudsman, clergy, journalist, newscaster, career counselor, housing director, character actor, marketing consultant, musician/composer, artist, information-graphics designer, human resource manager, merchandise planner, advertising account manager, dietitian/nutritionist, speech pathologist, massage therapist, editor/art director.

A Brief Hello

I'm at Lindsay's where there is a functioning computer and decent internet access, so I decided to make use of it and actually post. I feel more cut off from the web at my parents home in the U.S. than I did when I was living in Thailand. How sad is that? Anyway, two of the boys are coming home this weekend!!!! I am so excited. Dave's coming home too, and he's bring his girlfriend. It's going to be a reunion!!! I can't wait! Now, time to find a job...

OBX'n It

So I'm bonding with my family and the sun on the Outer Banks right now. Fun times. Before too long all of my extended family will arrive and the noise index will increase dramatically, and hopefully so will the fun. It's nice to be back for a family tradition. I haven't been down here in four years. It will be good to see people who I haven't seen in ages.

Update

I know I haven't posted in ages. Sorry about that. I've been pretty busy lately, which I think has been good for me. Since my last post I spent a couple of weeks on the side of a highway in Philadelphia helping my brother to run a fireworks tent, spent a couple of weeks out east bonding with my Egyptian family, did dramas and medical clinics in Nicaragua with a team from my church, taught children at an Arabic conference, and bonded with the whole extended Egyptian family at Ocean City. I haven't been home much at all, but I think that's been good for me. Tomorrow I leave to spend two weeks with my family on the OuterBanks of NC. I haven't spent too much time with my family since I've been back from overseas, so this will be fun. The second week the while extended family will join us. Some of them I haven't seen in four years or more. I'm kind of excited. After all of that is over though, real life hits. That's not so exciting, but it's about time I face it. So here goes...

sunlight in the hole

So I'm trying this week to stay out of that hole as much as possible, but living in the light of day isn't incredibly easy or comfortable. The hole is appealing. Why are some things so hard? I don't understand myself.

that hole

Do you ever feel so insecure and inadequate that you'd just rather back up into a hole, hide yourself, and watch life from the opening, than participate somewhere where you can be seen and are vulnerable to attack? Eh, but life doesn't happen in that hole, and so I will do my best to drag myself into the light of day until at some point I am comfortable there again.

sunshine

Thank God for the sunshine. If a sunny day can be this depressing can you imagine what a rainy day would be like?

It's been a while...

So I haven't written in a while. Why? Mostly because I don't feel the need to share my psychological distress with the world via the internet. Also because my computer is a dinosaur that is in the process of fossilization and often won't let me post.

What have I been up to lately?
A million meaningless things that both amuse and depress me.

What do you do when people you care about add to your distress and you can't even talk to them about it? I guess you just fake it until you can get over it, until you can climb out of the pit you're in. I'm not very good at faking things though. It only last so long. Sometimes just ignoring things works, but then people bring them to your attention, and remind you that you are in that pit that you were pretending was a castle. How do you climb out of it? Every time I think I've found a ladder it collapses under my wieght. Everytime it collapses I look ridiculous to the crowd of friends at the top of the pit who watch me fall and land on my face. They pretend that they want to help me but the ropes they lower have rotted and crumble as I reach for them. In the end I resent their pity, and determine to make the pit my home.

Shoot Me

Today I bonded with my best friend all day. We went shoppping. I hate shopping, but sometimes it's necessary, and it'always better to do it when you have your mother's gift cards and a little moral support. We also went out for coffee where I think I had most of an emotional breakdown. Jason, this is what happens when you leave me here to survive this place without you. I have had quite a number of emotional breakdowns lately. I am not good at adjusting to change, and yet I seem to be the queen of change. I don't understand myself.

Where is the balance?

I can blog!!! For the first time in weeks my home computer is letting me post! This poor decrepit machine is struggling.

The wedding this past weekend was beautiful. Two of my closest friends from my school in Florida got married. Theirs is the kind of relationship that left me no doubts or concerns when they headed to the altar. Marraige seems pretty scary to me. So many of my friends have gotten married only to encounter major problems which either make the institution miserable or simply break it up. I guess marraige is never a sure thing, but I feel pretty good about this one. I'm really happy for them. As for me, well, I have another lovely bridesmaid's dress to decorate my closet with.

Now I'm home and back to the task of reorganizing my room, and somehow making it work for me. I think that culture shock is starting to catch up with me finally. I have begun to find some things hard to reconcile, American materialism for one. I have to once again find my place in this society that puts such an emphasis on things, on what you have, and how you look. I feel like I don't fit. I'm not as cute as all the other girls I see. I don't have the trendy clothes. I drive a ten year old car (to which I have quite an attatchment). I don't own a cell phone. Half of me feels like a bum for this. It makes me feel insecure. But the other half of me is proud of it. I'm not sure which is right. I'm not sure where the balance is found. Americans have things. It's part of the culture. Most people would have no idea how to live without their things. I wouldn't know how to live without most of my things. But is that healthy?

I find myself looking around me and feeling inferior because of what I lack. The battle has begun. I see things. I want things, but do I need them? Am I less of a person because of what I don't have? Of course not, I know that, but I still find myself struggling with that dumb insecurity. I feel guilty for that insecurity though, because I realize how shallow it is. I have a hard time reconciling the things that I have because of all of the people who I know who have so much less than I have. Where is the balance? What is the right view?

Bob

I chopped all of my hair off yesterday and donated it to charity. Now I'm bald.

I am in Rochester with my roomates from my first college. My roomie's getting married and the rest of us are the bridal party. My life, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. It's all good though. I like being a free spirit. Anyway, it's fun to be back with my friends. It's been three years since we've all been together. It feels like we never parted though. So much fun. Ok, well back to the pre-wedding bliss. I'll blog later.

Catching up...

It's been a while since I have posted. I've been running like crazy. I spent last week in Virginia hanging out with my brother, college friends, and professors. Good times. I loved hanging out down there, it made me miss college. I miss the whole atmosphere. I miss my professors. I was one of those cheesey students who hung out in my professors offices, etc. Yes folks, I am a nerd! I miss having so many people my age around all the time. I miss having so many friends around, always having people to hang out with. So much fun. Probably too much fun.

So this week I am home trying to fit my life back into the room I lived in in high school. Man have I thrown away stuff!!! I have been dumping my stuff in that room and then leaving for a good six years now. It's accumulated a lot of crap!!! Some it of makes me nostalgic. Some just makes me roll my eyes. I've done so many random things the past six years, made so many random friends, and what do I have to show for it? I'm not sure. Pictures. I have a bunch of pictures.

Tomorrow I am leaving for New York. I am in another wedding. It will be good to see people who I haven't seen in years, but I am a little nervous about it. It's gonna be weird. I am not too sure what to expect.

Sorry guys, but for some reason I can only publish the title box lately, so when I figure out how to post, I will post again.

 

Quick Update

I have only been online once since I got back to this lovely country, so I haven't been blogging lately. Right now I am visiting family. They all got together at my grandparents house last night and threw me a little birthday party. It was fun. I got to see relative that I haven't seen in ten years. Today we went to Philly and hung out down there. We went to all the historic site in the city. I really enjoyed hanging out in an American city. It was so clean compared to what I'm used to, and everyone spoke my language. Tomorrow we are going to New York to do the Statue of Liberty, etc. Good times back in the U.S.

Shock to the Senses

I am in the good ol' U.S.A.!!! I landed on U.S. soil in Chicago to strains of the Nutcracker Suite and snow. It disoriented me a bit. I thought that I had been coming home just in time to begin summer, but it felt more like I was coming home for Christmas vacation. Winter wonderland! From a Bangkok summer to U.S. winter, what a shock to the senses!

Everything else has been strangely normal. I thought everything would be odd, that I would have culture shock like I have every other time I have returned to the U.S., but I haven't really. I didn't even experience much jet-lag. Maybe the strangeness just hasn't hit me yet. I don't know. Whatever the case, I am really happy to be home, and to be with my friends and family. I can't wait to see everybody.

Goodbye Thailand Movies

So the movie people are getting annoying. I don't like to have an audience. You would think that I was the one making a movie the way they crowd around the window while I am teaching. Stress.

My evening students took me out to dinner to say goodbye last night. We had so much fun. Sometimes being the only foreigner in a group can be a blast. They are such precious people. I am really going to miss them. At the end of the evening they gave me gifts and the waterworks began. Saying goodbye really sucks! I just keep doing it though. Sigh. And tonight is the final goodbye. That will be rough. At least I'll be able to leave behind those annoying movie makers!

Movie Making

I guess that Bangkok is the LA of Thailand, and that's where I live. Today I walked into the staff room at school and was informed that I will have to change classrooms for the day because a Thai movie company is filming on the school property and they were using my classroom as a makeup room. So odd. The people, equipment, etc. was all out there when I headed to my classroom. I made the mistake of letting my students out for lunch when the lunch bell rang. Apparently they hadn't finished filming a clip, so my poor little grade one and grade two students unknowingly cased quite the ruckus on the set. They were quickly hushed and corralled into a waiting area until the scene was finished. During lunch hour it poured. I have no idea if that disrupted the filming, but the cast hung out all day. So weird.

Cold Wata' and Cold Weatha'

Ok, so the hot water that I was so excited about a couple of posts ago is gone. Sigh. Well it was nice for one day. Only two more days of cold showers and then I get hit with cold weather! We'll see if I can handle it. Don't forget that ice pick!!!