Shoot Me

Today I bonded with my best friend all day. We went shoppping. I hate shopping, but sometimes it's necessary, and it'always better to do it when you have your mother's gift cards and a little moral support. We also went out for coffee where I think I had most of an emotional breakdown. Jason, this is what happens when you leave me here to survive this place without you. I have had quite a number of emotional breakdowns lately. I am not good at adjusting to change, and yet I seem to be the queen of change. I don't understand myself.

Where is the balance?

I can blog!!! For the first time in weeks my home computer is letting me post! This poor decrepit machine is struggling.

The wedding this past weekend was beautiful. Two of my closest friends from my school in Florida got married. Theirs is the kind of relationship that left me no doubts or concerns when they headed to the altar. Marraige seems pretty scary to me. So many of my friends have gotten married only to encounter major problems which either make the institution miserable or simply break it up. I guess marraige is never a sure thing, but I feel pretty good about this one. I'm really happy for them. As for me, well, I have another lovely bridesmaid's dress to decorate my closet with.

Now I'm home and back to the task of reorganizing my room, and somehow making it work for me. I think that culture shock is starting to catch up with me finally. I have begun to find some things hard to reconcile, American materialism for one. I have to once again find my place in this society that puts such an emphasis on things, on what you have, and how you look. I feel like I don't fit. I'm not as cute as all the other girls I see. I don't have the trendy clothes. I drive a ten year old car (to which I have quite an attatchment). I don't own a cell phone. Half of me feels like a bum for this. It makes me feel insecure. But the other half of me is proud of it. I'm not sure which is right. I'm not sure where the balance is found. Americans have things. It's part of the culture. Most people would have no idea how to live without their things. I wouldn't know how to live without most of my things. But is that healthy?

I find myself looking around me and feeling inferior because of what I lack. The battle has begun. I see things. I want things, but do I need them? Am I less of a person because of what I don't have? Of course not, I know that, but I still find myself struggling with that dumb insecurity. I feel guilty for that insecurity though, because I realize how shallow it is. I have a hard time reconciling the things that I have because of all of the people who I know who have so much less than I have. Where is the balance? What is the right view?

Bob

I chopped all of my hair off yesterday and donated it to charity. Now I'm bald.

I am in Rochester with my roomates from my first college. My roomie's getting married and the rest of us are the bridal party. My life, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. It's all good though. I like being a free spirit. Anyway, it's fun to be back with my friends. It's been three years since we've all been together. It feels like we never parted though. So much fun. Ok, well back to the pre-wedding bliss. I'll blog later.

Catching up...

It's been a while since I have posted. I've been running like crazy. I spent last week in Virginia hanging out with my brother, college friends, and professors. Good times. I loved hanging out down there, it made me miss college. I miss the whole atmosphere. I miss my professors. I was one of those cheesey students who hung out in my professors offices, etc. Yes folks, I am a nerd! I miss having so many people my age around all the time. I miss having so many friends around, always having people to hang out with. So much fun. Probably too much fun.

So this week I am home trying to fit my life back into the room I lived in in high school. Man have I thrown away stuff!!! I have been dumping my stuff in that room and then leaving for a good six years now. It's accumulated a lot of crap!!! Some it of makes me nostalgic. Some just makes me roll my eyes. I've done so many random things the past six years, made so many random friends, and what do I have to show for it? I'm not sure. Pictures. I have a bunch of pictures.

Tomorrow I am leaving for New York. I am in another wedding. It will be good to see people who I haven't seen in years, but I am a little nervous about it. It's gonna be weird. I am not too sure what to expect.

Sorry guys, but for some reason I can only publish the title box lately, so when I figure out how to post, I will post again.

 

Quick Update

I have only been online once since I got back to this lovely country, so I haven't been blogging lately. Right now I am visiting family. They all got together at my grandparents house last night and threw me a little birthday party. It was fun. I got to see relative that I haven't seen in ten years. Today we went to Philly and hung out down there. We went to all the historic site in the city. I really enjoyed hanging out in an American city. It was so clean compared to what I'm used to, and everyone spoke my language. Tomorrow we are going to New York to do the Statue of Liberty, etc. Good times back in the U.S.