Safety First

Last night I went with a bunch of my friends to a movie in downtown. It was a late movie, so Bangkok was pretty dead when we got there, and even more so when we got out. It was weird to see the place so muted. Anyway, several of us found ourselves locked out of our building when we got back. We have key to the lock, but then a metal latch is put in place as well, and we can't unlatch it from the outside. I don't understand why exactly they do that. I know we had somebody break in this past month, so they were trying to take all precautionary measures, but it really didn't make too much sense to me. Anyway it took us a while, huddled around the door hacking at it with various tools and other objects, to break in. Nothing like having to break into my own building, and then knowing that a novice like myself has the ability to break in once I find success. That's security at it's finest.

Looking Ahead

So I have been planning and thinking about next year a lot. My plans morph daily of course, but I think I am starting to get an idea of what I am going to do next year and I am excited about it. When things are rough here it's nice remember that my contract ends in May and that I can choose another route after that. It's wonderful to have options. It's good to have something to look ahead to, it helps me to get through the rough times. I am planning to move home for sure. I have several ideas of what else I am going to do but they are not fully formed yet. Just knowing that I will see the leaves change next year makes this one more bearable. Honestly, it's not always miserable. I really do like living here, I just always seem to write at my down moments. Anyway, happy toughts of what is to come help me to get through what is, and I am so excited about next year.

I love the internet!

I have been on the internet for a long time this morning. I spend a lot of time on-line. I think that the people around me see that as a flaw, but I dissagree. I think it is a God-send. I love being able to be part of my friends and family's lives even when I am living on the other side of the globe. I have so many amazing people in my life who are very important to me. I couldn't imagine not being able to communicate with them, so regardless what peole say; props to the internet! Oh, and I really miss you guys.

Back in Bangkok!

I'm back! It is good to be home after travelling, and believe it or not I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. The bilingual department at our school is making some changes that will hopefully improve the way things run a little. I hope it really does.

My trip north was incrediby encouraging. I spent some time with some missionaries up there. It's incredible the affect that one conversation can have. I guess it's because that conversation is backed up by a life lived. I met a lady named Marg while I was in the north. She had the most settled and contented spirit of anyone I have ever met. She works at a home for orphaned and abandoned babies. She gave up a nice job with Delta Airlines five years before to move to a remote little village in Thailand to work at a babies home. She simply told us about her life, her relationship with God, and how the hand of God was evident through every part of her moment of her life. She is somebody who's relationship with God is so close and so real. I envy that. I wish I was that close to God. I wish that I had the same peace and love that she has. Lord let it be in me...

Down Day (again)

Why am I so depressed this weekend? I am in the midst of holiday. I should be enjoying myself. Instead I have been miserable. I am really lonely lately. I don't feel like I can connect with the few people around me who can actually speak my language. I feel somehow removed from the people around me. I don't know why.

I'm really missing the United States this weekend. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my culture. I am pretty certain that I am not signing for another year here. I think that I want to go home for a while. I don't know what my problem is. I should be enjoying myself. I should be making the most of this experience. I guess I am just having a down weekend. I need to pull myself out of this thing -- whatever it is -- but instead all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide. May can't come soon enough today.

I am leaving again tonight. I am heading north with a couple of people. We are going to do a bunch of cool stuff. Maybe that'll pull me out of this thing. I hope so. Living here and working here is a great opportunity. I am incredibly priveledged in my position here. I know I need to enjoy it, to make the most of it. I just need to be thankful. Lord, help...

Lonely Day

Man, I'm lonely today. This place is dead. Everybody who speaks my language is somewhere else. It really sucks. I don't like the stranded feeling of not being able to drive here. I hate relying on public transportation. I guess I am just used to American independance, and I am struggling with the lack of it here. I didn't expect to struggle with as many culture issues as I have here. I guess that's all part of moving to another country.

Being in Phi Phi was nice because I was surrounded by westerners. I ate familiar food and heard English spoken. For many of the tourists there it may have felt like they were diving into Thai culture, but for me it totally felt like an escape from it. It felt a little like a trip home, to my own culture. I am not saying that I don't like Thai culture, or that I want to escape it. It is just nice to have something familiar every so often.

I talked to my brother on-line today. Man, I miss him. It is so nice to have a brother around, to have a big guy who always takes my side, who has to love me becuase he's blood. It's nice to have someone to hide behind when there is drama in life, someone who understands me better than most because he's been through the most with me. He makes me feel secure. I kind of feel bad for people who don't have siblings. I can't imagine life without them. Anyway, my brother is coming in December, and I am so fricken excited about it. I can't wait to just have him here.

Back in Bangkok...Briefly

I'm back in Bangkok for the weekend back to the traffic, pollution, and the soi dogs. I am just here long enought to wash some laundry and regroup before heading north, but I still feel the stress of the place as if I were here to work. I don't like living where I work, because there is no boundry between the two. I feel like there is no place to hide, no place where I can go where I don't have to think about work. Ah well, I guess that's life.

Paradise

I am on Koh Phi Phi Don. I am in paradise. This place is amazing. It is a backpacker's dream come true, a tropical island where everything is incredibly cheap. I don't want to leave today, but I must. There are other horizons to explore. I am having a great time on my travels so far though. I have really enjoyed just wandering around the island watching and meeting new people. The friends that I am traveling with don't really share my intrigue of people though, which kind of stinks. They would be perfectly happy if there were no other people here besides us. For me the people here are the biggest part of the lure of the place. The fact that it's a tropical paradise has something to do with that too, but I am loving the blending of cultures that I find here. I have met people from all over the world. Each one comes with his own story to tell. Each one is on his own great adventure. It's all so fascinating to me. It makes me miss Jase, Jeremy, Donya, and both Toms. You guys would love it here. You would understand my interest in people too. We need to go on a backpacking trip together.

Read it

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

Great book. Read it.

I don't have much to say today. My backpack is packed and ready to go. I am just ready to get on that plane.

Lack of communication at work continues to be frustrating. Two more communication failures today. Everything at my work seems to run on assumptions. They just assume that I am super woman, and that I can do anything. They also assume that my life is built around work and that I can just reorganize everything in it for them. I know it is just a cultural difference, but I am really having a hard time adjusting to it. I don't like to be just thrown into a random classroom with no warning and no materials and just told to teach something. I guess I am just used to the North American way of planning and scheduling. I feel like I am just expected to know everything, so nobody tells me anything. Then when I don't know things it's a mess that I have to figure out a way to clean up. I am not by nature a scheduler or planner, but I am used to being surrounded by schedulers, and so I guess that creates the framework for my own chaos. Here there is no framework, it's just chaos. Maybe I am just crazy. That's always a possibility...

Escape!

The day after tomorrow I will be on a plane headed for Phuket and the beaches in the south of Thailand, and after that it's north for me! I am so excited about it! My friends and I just sat and planned out our trip tonight. Ahhh ... three weeks away from the craziness of teaching. It will be so nice. I will actually get to see this lovely country that I live in. I like Bangkok, but I will be happy to get out of the city for a while. I am excited to escape, relax, and then explore. The world can be such an exciting place to live! I want to see as much of it as I can.

Shark Anyone?

I spent the past two days with the teachers from my school on a retreat. It was so nice to get away from the concrete and polution. It was good to see grass. The language barrier was not frustrating at all once I was out of the work environment. It actually proved to be quite funny, and it made the weekend a lot of fun. It learned a little bit more Thai. I tried to use it on my friend Ann. I wanted to ask her if she was going to come eat squid with us, but instead I asked her if she wanted to come eat hammerhead shark with us. Hmm. My language skills need a lot of work!

Tears

A tear falls
A pristine essence,
Liquid emotion,
A toxic substance that purges the soul,
Purifies that heart.
Crystal rings spead outward as it joins the others,
A puddle
A pond
An ocean of life
Of feeling
Of understanding what it is to be alive,
To love, to hurt,
To feel joy, sorrow,
To exude all that is life and living.
The overflow of the heart?
Or simply a testimony of life.

Until we meet again...

Someone who I met and grew quit close to this summer during my time in Egypt recently passed away. He was a precious example of servanthood to me. He was my "Egyptian dad". He taught me how to truely love beyond language barriers, how to build relationships with people who have a completely different culture, and how to express without having to always use words. He cooked, cleaned, and served without complaint the whole time we were there.

It's strange that he has left this earth. It's hard to know that he's gone, that I will never see him on this earth again. It's hard to know that he will not be in Egypt when I return. I miss him a lot, but I know that he is held closely in the loving arms of his Savior. I know that he now feels contentment, a joy and a peace that those of us still trapped within these bodies of flesh have never experienced. He can rest now, and even if I could, I would never want to rob him of that. The amazing thing about knowing Christ is that even in the midst of sorrow there is peace, comfort, and joy. There is security in Him regardless of the circumstances. It is a precious gift that I cherish, that I definately do not deserve, but that I cling to. That does not eliminate the tears however, and I am shedding some as I write this, but they are simply evidence of a life touched.

So although this is a time of loss for us, it is great gain for him, which eases our loss a bit, and makes the sorrow bittersweet. There is no need for good bye, simply until we meet again...

Downpour

So it's rainy season here in Bangkok, and almost nightly our grassway transforms itself into a waterway. Last night I happened to get caught in a friend's house when the rain started. Talk about terrential downpour! It was a monsoon! By the time the rain stopped and I was ready to head home, the grassway between my friend's house and my building was completely under water. I could have canoed home. Instead I rolled up my pant legs, and waded right in. When I got to the soggy earth on the other side I almost stepped on a frog, which threw me off course a bit. By the time I slid into my building I was soaked and muddy from head to toe. What a mess.

This morning I taught my last Saturday English class before October break. I am so excited about October break. I can't wait to go places and do things. I like teaching, but it will be nice to have some time away from it. This afternoon I spent shopping at Chatuchak Market in Mo Chit. It was a lot of fun. I don't usually enjoy shopping too much, but today I really had a good time. I went with a Thai friend, an American friend and a Canadian friend. We just kind of goofed off and enjoyed ourselves. We fought the crowds and tried on clothes and bartered and bargained. I actually purchased things. This was the first time I've really gone shopping since I've been here. I actually went to the market with a little money this time. It's a lot more fun that way. When I got home a bunch of my Thai and farong friends had a barbeque for everyone involved in our evening English program. I had some great rice noodles, morning glory, and squid. I am a fan of Thai food. Tonight it is raining again. This time I am in my own building for the downpour. It's kind of nice. A bunch of my friends and I are here watching movies and drinking hot drinks. Nights like these are perfect movie nights. My friend Mink is staying over with me tonight. It'll be nice to have someone here. Mine is the only occupied room on the floor that I live on, and sometimes it gets a little lonely. I guess that's life.

Just for you, Sarah...

This link is just for you, Sarah....

Coffee Addiction

You DO have an excuse!!
Love ya' ;-)
--0r4cl3

Eat at Joe's

One thing that I haven't gotten used to yet in Thailand is the extreme familiarity between creatures and people. The other night I came home after dark, and since I know my building pretty well now, I decided not to turn on the lights as I made my way toward my room. With my keys in hand, I reached for my doorknob. Apparently I should have given warning of my arrival because I disturbed something. As I grabbed the doorknob a rather large roach jumped on my hand and scurried up my arm. I was a bit startled so I forgot my manners. I gave him a good hard shaking before I sent him flying to the floor. How rude am I? Well I think I make up for it in my benevolent treatment of mosquitoes. I host them daily for a free flesh buffet. It's a huge hit. They tend to overstay their welcome though, and over-eat. I am thinking of closing it down, flooding it out with bugspray or something, but I have never been quite this successful at anything before.

On the Spot

I had so much fun last night. I teach an evening class of mostly university students and young professionals, and it is such a welcome change from my daily elementary school classroom. It's nice to teach students who want to learn. After an evening with that class I am always so happy to be here. Last night we went out after class to this outdoor restaurant with live music. There was a comedian on-stage who spotted me and greeted me from the stage. He made some jokes about the farong in the audience, but I have no clue what he was talking about. It's always exciting to be put on the spot in another country where you don't understand a thing.