I can blog!!! For the first time in weeks my home computer is letting me post! This poor decrepit machine is struggling.
The wedding this past weekend was beautiful. Two of my closest friends from my school in Florida got married. Theirs is the kind of relationship that left me no doubts or concerns when they headed to the altar. Marraige seems pretty scary to me. So many of my friends have gotten married only to encounter major problems which either make the institution miserable or simply break it up. I guess marraige is never a sure thing, but I feel pretty good about this one. I'm really happy for them. As for me, well, I have another lovely bridesmaid's dress to decorate my closet with.
Now I'm home and back to the task of reorganizing my room, and somehow making it work for me. I think that culture shock is starting to catch up with me finally. I have begun to find some things hard to reconcile, American materialism for one. I have to once again find my place in this society that puts such an emphasis on things, on what you have, and how you look. I feel like I don't fit. I'm not as cute as all the other girls I see. I don't have the trendy clothes. I drive a ten year old car (to which I have quite an attatchment). I don't own a cell phone. Half of me feels like a bum for this. It makes me feel insecure. But the other half of me is proud of it. I'm not sure which is right. I'm not sure where the balance is found. Americans have things. It's part of the culture. Most people would have no idea how to live without their things. I wouldn't know how to live without most of my things. But is that healthy?
I find myself looking around me and feeling inferior because of what I lack. The battle has begun. I see things. I want things, but do I need them? Am I less of a person because of what I don't have? Of course not, I know that, but I still find myself struggling with that dumb insecurity. I feel guilty for that insecurity though, because I realize how shallow it is. I have a hard time reconciling the things that I have because of all of the people who I know who have so much less than I have. Where is the balance? What is the right view?
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4 comments:
I can give you this much. I have the toys: cell phone, PDA, MP3 player, shiny new computer, my car hasn't turned 2 yet and etc. Honestly none of these things give me any sort of lasting happiness. They are just things and at the end of the day I crave companionship and love. To me, for happiness, you need people in your life. Whether it is a group of close friends, or one particular person to share it with. Happiness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and "I have nothing to justify this other than my own meandering thoughts."(Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen Song)
Yea, I second that. Don't worry about societies emphasis on "things". Remember, it all burns in the end. The most important thing is that you be who you are, and materialism can fall along the wayside...
Reading Ecclesiastes always sets me straight when I get all worked up about "things". And when you have one BIG thing to worry about, aka a house, u truly realize whats most important in life. PAYING YOUR MORTGAGE! No just kidding. Its the simple things, a roof over your head, food to eat, clean water to drink, great friends and wonderful family, and the love that connects it all. These are the things life was made for. ;-)
Thanks, J.
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