A Brief Appearance

Merry Christmas! I am a little late in this greeting, sorry about that. I am in Chiang Mai staying with some friends, so I haven't been surfing the net much. I thought I'd make a brief appearance on-line today though. I had a really good Christmas. It's nice to spend Christmas with a family, to have children around to squeal and giggle as they open their presents. My friends up here have been so wonderful to David and I. I do miss everyone from home though. I love you guys, and I hope your holiday has been great.

I have been having a great time with Dave here. It's so much more fun to be in Thailand with Dave. We have had all kinds of little adventures, but maybe I'll write more about those when i have time to write.

A tsunami struck our shores Monday morning. It struck the beaches that several of my friends were staying at. One of them had her whole family with her on the island that suffered the most devastation in this country. I haven't heard anything from them yet, but communication is bad right now. Please pray for them if you think of it.

Overwhelmed

Sometimes I feel like I will never be whole. I am pulled in so many different directions. Everywhere I go I leave a part of me behind. Everywhere I go I always miss something, someone, but I am drawn on. It's this crazy paradox that has become my life. I don't fully understand it. I don't know if I ever will. Sometimes I feel so human that I think I am going to burst. Sometimes I wish I could step outside of my humanity and just do what God wants me to do, instead of having to feel it all, but then I remember that He feels it all with me. He offers the ultimate empathy, because He is there, in the midst, feeling it all right along with me. I love that He is not just this distant, impersonal God who watches from above like a warehouse supervisor with His checklist. He's on the floor. He's involved. He's there.

An interesting blog:

toi la nguoi

Bring an End to the Stress

I got the greatest care package ever from my best friend this week. It was full of real coffee, and good chocolate, two of my favorite things in life. I think I can survive here for sure with supplies like that coming across the border! When I opened it my roomate saw the contents and raise her eyebrows, "She sure knows you well." I love it! Thanks for the survival package, Mandy. It totally brightens a stressful week.

Thank goodness that after tomorrow my school's Grand Opening Expo, and Christmas Program will be over. I will be so relieved. It is such an event! They have been building all kinds of random things for the event. They brought in a ton of huge pavillion-like tents. Workers have been working on the grounds and buildings forever. The stress just keeps building. After tomorrow it will be over. Whew!!! What a relief that will be.

After that my brother will be here!!! I can't wait to have him here. The comfort factor of having a family member around is huge. He's like a shelter from daily comments and criticism that I constantly get in my work environment (which I rarely ecscape since I live on the same floor with my employers). I know he loves me, and that he'll be on my side. It's nice to have someone like that. I hate feeling like I am always hanging out there on my own. When my brother's around I don't.

A Pretty Darn Good Fool

Tonight was the Christmas party for my evening ESL class. It was soooo much fun. I love my evening students. That is the part of being here that I like. I love being friends with these people. They are so wonderful to me. They are so kind and gracious. After the party I went out to another party that the teachers of the school that I teach at in the day and it's sister school were having in the lawn of the school. We just blared music and danced, for the rest of the evening. I can't dance, but I can make a pretty darn good fool when I try, so I tried, and had a blast. Now I am exhausted and I have a couple of stressful days ahead of me, so I am going to bed.

Renewed Perspective

Two days ago I had a really long chat (on-line) with a friend of mine from Egypt. Everytime we talk, he challenges and encourages me. He always makes me think. He is never confrontational or accusing, but what he says and his perspective on things always seems to challenge or change mine. It is so good to talk to him.

I told him about some of my frustrations and struggles here. I really struggle with the administration at the school that I work at. They honestly make me crazy. I also struggle almost daily with missing friends, family, and my culture. It's not easy to live in another country, another culture, especially at the beginning. The adjustment period seems to be the hardest for me. It was nice to be honest with him, to not pretend to be doing better than I am. He really encouraged me though, and reminded me of why I am here.

I am happy to be here. It is such a priveledge to be able to live and work here, to be able to be a part of people's lives here. I tend to grumble and complain about all the stress and issues that I have here, but honestly, everytime I walk into the Kindergarten class, and little munchkins launch themselves through the air at me joyfully shouting "Miss SaLAH, Miss SaLAH all of the stress and issues fade away. When I leave a classroom feeling like my students actually learned something, I am jubulant. After the adult ESL classes that I teach in the evenings, I always feel so fulfilled. I know that God brought me here. I know that He had a reason in doing it. I really am thankful to be here. I am thankful to serve a God that know the purpose in our struggles, and Who feels the pain of them too.

Missin' Christmas

I'm feelin a bit homesick for Christmas. I'm missing the snow, the decorations, the parties, the music... I'm missing my family and friends. I miss the whole feel of Christmas. Whimper whimper. As I it here typing this, thinking about Christmas and all that goes with it, buddhist monks are walking along the street outside of my window in their bright orange togas. It's really cool to see that every morning, and even cooler to have the opportunity to be a part of the lives of the people here. They are amazing, and I do love it, but I'm still a totally girl. I still miss home. I am going to try not to think about it though. I am going to enjoy this right now, and next year I will enjoy being home. That's the plan at least.

Cockroaches and Mosquitoes

I share my home. I am benevolent enough to share my home, (I really don't have much choice) and the unusually large, exceptionally ugly six legged creatures that I share it with don't even show any gratitude. It's actually quite annoying, and I wish they would find another home, but they seem quite satisfied with the one that they've got. The other residents of my home are just plain vicious. They feast on my flesh whenever they get the chance, leaving big red welts all over my body, that itche for days. Annoying.

One More Week

Only one more week before my brother gets here, and I am going to have most of the vacation time that was promised to me. Thanks God he's coming and thank God I get to hang otu with him. I am so excited. It will be so nice to have him here. I want to show him everything, but there's definately not enough time for that, so we'll just do what we can. It will be so nice to have family here, someone who has known me longer than a couple of months.

Last night I stayed in and watched movies with my roomate. Man I hope she stays here when she comes back after New Years. It would really suck to lose her. I am so glad she's here right now. It's nice to have someone else to decorate, and plan with during the Christmas season. We made french toast for dinner and watched movies. I made fried apples while we watched White Christmas. The whole place smelled like apples and cinnamon. It was so relaxing. I love the movie White Christmas. Call me a sap, but for me it's classic. I may even watch it again before the season ends.

So now back to school. This week is going to be pretty high stress. Saturday is our Grand Opening ceremony and our Christmas production. With the lack of communication and planning that we deal with here it's sure to be a very stressful time and an interesting event. I can't wait until it's over.

Distance...

I haven't written in a while. I've been running non-stop and I really don't have anything worth writing anyway. I would love to vent, because there is plenty to complain about, but I already do that far too much. I am trying to learn to bite my tongue when it comes to complaining, but sometimes it's really hard.

I've talked to friends and family from home a little lately. That's been nice. It always reminds me of how big the gap between us is though, how different my life is from theirs. I live in another world here. Sometimes it's exciting. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it's just surreal. There is a place that used to be so real to me, where people live who mean so much to me, and a way of life that was my own, but now it's beginning to seem distant and hazy. There people sleep while I work, and work while I sleep. I wish them good morning right before I go to bed for the night. They are wearing coats and scarves, while I sweat in a tank top. It is all very strange. I am sure that when I move back it will take me no time to jump right back into the swing of things, but sometimes hearing about it while I am here makes it seem so distant. How very odd.

Highlights and Stress

I went away for the weekend, and it was a lot of fun. I was the only English speaker in the whole group, so there were definitely language issues and a lot of laughter as a result. I had no clue what was going on ever, I just followed familiar faces. We did all the typical Thai stuff that I hadn't done yet. We rode elephants, went bamboo rafting, and visited temples. We even slept on the river in a bamboo raft / hut. We went to the bridge across the River Kwai, the one that was built by Allied POW's for the Japanese during WWII. We also went to the cemetery of the soldiers who died there. I must have been emotional, because as soon as I walked into the cemetery, the history of the place and the messages on the headstones overwhelmed me and I started bawling. I couldn't stop until I had walked out of the cemetery. The people I was with didn't quite know what to do with me. They kept glancing at me anxiously. When we left the cemetery some of the ladies put flowers in my hair, and told me I was "suh-why," beautiful. That was a sweet expression of comfort.

Last night when I came home though I went back into the slump of Saturday. My roommate hasn't been here this weekend, so it's been a little lonely. I am not looking forward to the point when she leaves for good. I don't know why, but I just don't feel like I fit in with the people here. They are all really nice, but I just don't fit into their circle. Sometimes I just really miss my family and friends from home.

Sometimes the idea of going home makes me nervous. My biggest concern is the job thing. Will I be able to get a decent job when I get home? And if I do, will I like it, or will I be completely miserable in it? What will it be like living at home as an adult. It's gonna be weird. I am totally used to doing my own thing. Will I be able to afford life in the U.S.? It will be really weird going back to that kind of economy again. I live quite comfortably here on the salary that I have, things are a lot different in the States. I probably shouldn't be worrying about it all already, but I am pretty good about worrying ahead. Stress.

A Two-foot Tree

I met that a pastor from the U.S. downtown today for breakfast. It was nice to chat with him. It made me realize though, what a different world I live in here. I am not sure what it was about the conversation that triggered that feeling. I suddenly felt really out of touch with America. It was quite strange. After he left I spent the rest of the day wandering around Bangkok by myself. It was kind of nice to just wander without rhyme or reason, all by myself in the city. I got to explore neighborhoods that I hadn't seen before. I wandered around some really ritzy touristy areas. Bangkok has some nice areas. I also wandered around other areas that were not dripping with the same amount of wealth as the ritzy areas. I felt a little more comfortable there.

While I was out I bought a Christmas cd, a two-foot tree, and some decorations for it. When I came home I borrowed a cd player, put on my cd, and decorated my little sitting room for Christmas. It was exciting, but it also made me a little homesick. I have been doing good lately, but tonight I am slipping a little. I think I am just tired and emotional.

Tomorrow I leave at 6 a.m. for a province a little north of here. Some of my evening students are taking me away for two days. It's going to be fun, and probably pretty funny, since there will definately be langauge issues. I hope that it's a little relaxing. I need some R&R.

Any Requests?

I am feeling overwhelmed. I have so much going on that I don't have time to sleep. I think that's probably how everybody feels at this time of year, but I am not even living in the land of Christmas. My problem is that I don't know how to say no. I misjudge my limits. I want to do everything for and with everyone, and I go overboard. I have been sick for about 9 days now, and I think it's just because I never stop to sleep. I am excited that it is the weekend, but even in the weekend there is no stopping. I am just doing less regulated stuff. Man, I need to learn to prioritize!

I am getting so excited about Christmas!!! Eventhough it's not like Christmas at home, I love the challenge of making my life in this place Christmassy. I'm also pretty excited that my brother is coming. That may have something to do with it. I am going downtown today to meet a guy who my mother knows from the States. I am meeting him for breakfast. Maybe I can do some Christmas shopping while I am down there. I am going to do a lot of Christmas shopping while my bro is here too so that I can send stuff home with him. I am not sure what to get everybody though, so all of you reading this, leave your requests in the comment box.

Friday

It's Friday! What a wonderful ring that has to it. Ah Friday. Such a wonderful day. Quite possibly my favorite day of the week. It would make sense that Saturday would be my favorite day because I have the whole day off, but I think I like Friday even better than Saturday. I love the potential that Friday represents. I love standing at the beginning of the weekend and looking at all the possibilities it holds. T G I F!