I am losing hair. I think that I am going to go home bald. I wonder how I would look bald? I wonder why I am losing hair? Probably stress. I should just shave my head and be done with it.
Once again I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach. Of course then I fed it coffee which cannot be a good thing. If I don't kill my stomach with coffee in the morning though, then my head will kill me and I have a much higher chance of killing my students during the day. We wouldn't want that, and so I will continue on the road to an ulcer. Do I sound unhealthy or what?
Jase asked me yesteday if all of stuff I saw in the south when I was helping with tsunami relief may have affected my stress level. Another girl who went down there the week that I got home from it said that she thought it may be affecting her that way. I have no idea how much that kind of stuff can affect you, but maybe it has something to do with it all. I don't really know a ton about stuff like that. I never even took a psychology class.
I know that I am really glad I went. I think that it would have been a shame for me to be available and here at a time like that and not go to do what I could. I also know that it was really hard. For the most part I was fine while I was down there, but coming home to Bangkok was the rough part. Going back to my job has been extremely difficult, especially since we all know I like my job so much.
Being down in the south in the midst of the disaster though, was unlike anything that you could really imagine. I guess everyone has the media coverage, and all the horrifying newspaper images in their heads, but I think to actually be there in the midst of it is different. To have all your senses assulted with the magnitude of the disaster is a little overwhelming. Walking from relief center to relief center, seeing the field of bodies at each one, picking through the debris on the beach with the stench of rotting corpses hanging thick in the air, never knowing when you might just come upon the next body, talking to people who are searching for loved ones, or who are walking around in a daze still having lost everything, it's a lot to assimilate. It's a lot to deal with.
It's a hard thing to leave behind, especially when this crazy work environment is what I came home to. I had my brother for a week which was nice, but now that he's gone I really miss him. It was nice to have the comfort of a family member at the end of a day full of screaming in another language, and miserable confusion. It's all good though. The school year shall come to an end soon.
So, to my friends who read this regularly to stay in touch with my life, I know I've been a little crazy lately. I'm sorry that all of my blogs have been so negative. I can't promise that they'll change either. This is just my way of getting out frustration. Thank you guys for being supportive though. I love you.
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1 comment:
Sarah, you really need to find the time to talk to someone. I know for a fact that you cannot go into a situation like that, and still come out and go back to work unfazed. Was experiencing it, knowing that you had to go back to work, or having to deal with work harder? We are here to be supportive...we love you too....
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