Life Update

I am feeling a lot better than I was, although the headache is still sticking around. This weekend I was a total bum. I laid around in my pajamas, read, and graded student work. I just didn't feel like facing the pollution outside. I didn't feel like facing the heat, or all of the overwhelming smells of our soi. I really didn't feel like being far from my bed to be honest. I slept so much this weekend. Half of me feels like I wasted a ton of time sleeping, and the other half wants to go take a nap right now. Go figure.

I went to the English speaking church this morning. I met a cool girl there who is my age. She just started working with Bangkok Campus Crusade. She came out to lunch with some of the other teachers and me. She's planning on coming on the relief trip south that I'm going on in March. I can't wait. I'm really excited about that.

This is the last week of school. I can't believe it. I am really excited about it though. I'll miss the students, especially the littlest ones, but I'm really excited about what the next couple of months holds. Friday night after our little graduation program, my roomate and I are getting on a bus and heading to an island. I am going to get my open water scuba licence, and she will dive as well. She already has her licence, but it'll be fun to hang out together at the beach. After that, we will do an English camp witht the local Thai church, and then it's off to Indonesia for her and off to the south for me. During April I'll be teaching the summer sessions here at GES. Then it's home for me! My last two months here have started! They re going to be great!

My Sahby

I'm feelin' like crap today. I just want to curl up and sleep so that I don't have to feel this cruddy, but my head hurts so bad that I can't sleep. My students of course chose this of all days to be insane, and this is my longest hardest day anyway. Not fun. I hope I feel better tomorrow. Just thought I'd pop on and complain, hehe. Now back to bed.

Rubber-necking

My friends and I caused a car accident today. We went to the movies tonight, a favorite passtime of ours, and on the way we caused quite the ruckus. There were six of us, and (cheap teachers that we are) we decided to save on cab fare by squeazing into one cab. We climbed in, one in the front with the driver and the other five piled in the back. It must have been quite the sight, five farong shoved into the backseat of a Bangkok taxi. Apparently it caught somebody's attention, because somewhere along the elevated highway we heard a loud crunch. "Oh my goodness!" shreiked my friend. "That guy was so busy staring at us that he just ran into the back of that taxi cab!" Sure enough we looked back to see traffic piling up behind the fender-bender that we unwittingly contributed to.

Bangkok Markets

The one thing I'm going to miss about living in Bangkok is the markets. Any given sidewalk in this city is crowded with vendors of some form or another. I went to the mall last night with my roomate, but I didn't buy anything there. Why buy stuff at the mall when all of the streets outside of the mall are covered with perfectly good markets which sell things for half the price or less? It's more fun to shop at the markets anyway. You get to interact more (which for a foreigner is usually either hilarious or frustrating). The bartering is like a sport. The stuff is always cheaper. Of course the vendors cause extreme slowdowns in sidewalk traffic, but the hustle and bustle of sidewalk shopping just added to the life and character of the city. It's part of what makes Bangkok, Bangkok.

Frustration

There's no pleasing anybody, not that I even care. It's just annoying to be harped on all the time. When I first got here all I heard about was how fat I was. I got called fat, giant, and random Thai words that don't mean anything attractive. Now everybody's harping about how thin I am. Honestly I don't notice any difference. I'm not that thin. Especially not compared to the Thai women. But they won't just leave me alone and let it go. This country's obsessed with weight. They keep trying to give me money so that I will eat. Trust me, I eat. They all make fun of me at meals saying that I must be on a diet. Trust me I'm not. I may have lost a pound or two of sweat because I am not used to living in a perpetual sauna, but I haven't done anything special, and nobody needs to be concerned about my health! My manager was just in here informing me very loudly that I am not healthy because of my eating habits. What does he know about my eating habits? And why does he feel the need to yell all the time? Ok, I think I'm done venting for now. Sorry bout that guys.

My Babbling Brain

The weekend is over, but it was a good one. Saturday morning I went to Chat-u-chak market with a couple of the girls. For some strange reason I was actually in the mood to shop. That is fairly rare. I'm not a huge fan of shopping. Saturday morning, though, I was in the mood for a market, so I found some girls who were heading to the biggest market in Bangkok, and we grabbed a cab. The shopping wasn't great, which is probably great for my budget. I only ended up getting a shirt and a pair of shoes. Orange shoes. Go figure. I went hoping to find a wedding gift for a friend. Oh well. We went to Big C and then stopped for lunch at Sambat's on the way home. His wife makes a great yellow curry which I was in the mood for. Mmm.

When I got home, my friends dropped off their daughter for the weekend. It was their anniversary weekend, and I love their daughter so she hung out with me for the weekend. We ordered pizza, made brownies, watched movies, looked at magazines, and did all the fun slumber party things. I took her to church with me this morning, and then we went swimming afterward. We had a really good time. When we were done swimming I took her to Que Pasa, a Mexican restaurant, for lunch. We had such a good weekend that she begged her Dad not to come get her. She is so funny. I am going to miss that girl when I leave. She whines and pouts everytime I mention leaving.

Spending time with her really makes me think though. Kids often have a different perspective on things than adults do. Spending time with her also reminds me that everything I do and say matters. Everything I do and say is seen or heard by somebody, even if it's God alone. Often I don't even consider the fact that I am being watched, and that my behavior and attitude affects others. I'm especially visible here. My skin is different from everyone else's. I'm the foreigner. Even with the students who are used to me, I am the teacher which makes me an example. It's quite an intimidating concept when you begin to realize how much of your life is perceived by another.

I feel like God has been speaking to me lately through random people and events. He used this weekend to remind me of a lot of things. I really need to focus on what's important. It's so easy for me to let life cloud my view of what is important, to cloud my perspective, to cloud my view of God. Sometimes God uses life to clear away it's own haze though. I guess I just need to stay tuned in to what He's saying and doing. It's like life is this big orchestra that He's conducting. I don't want to get so caught up in the music that I'm creating that I get out of synch with the conductor. It's kind of a dumb metaphor, but it's what my brain is producing at the moment. Anyway, I love that God is so clear and at the same time so mysterious. I love that He's in control of the universe and at the same time so very personal.

I am trying to learn to cherish the moment. Things are moving quickly now. I have so many exciting things coming up, that it's hard to simply live in the present and enjoy it. Sometimes I feel like my mind is everywhere but here where I am. That's one of the things that I have been trying to work on though, is simply living in the present, making the most of it. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain and could be snatched away in an instant, but the present is what I've been given to work with. I better do my best.

I don't know where all this is coming from, but there you have it. That's what I've been doing and thinking about lately. And that's that.

It's Winding Down Folks

The week is almost over, and I only have two more weeks of school left after that!!! I can't believe that the school year is almost over! After that things will fly around here. Man I am going to miss my students, especially Kindergarten. They are so cute. I'll also miss a bunch of the Thai teachers that I work with and the office staff. I can think of a person or two that I won't miss too much at all though. It'll be a bit of a relief to get away from them. I am glad that I won't have to spend my last month and a half in Thailand working under them. I think I am going to really enjoy the rest of my time here. I am really excited about all that is coming!

Letting Off Steam (Literally)

I swear lately I am a constant puddle. I drip from place to place and when I can't move anymore I simply sit and puddle. Hot season has arrived, and I cannot take the heat!!! Even that cool season was really warm for me, but at least I didn't sweat in the mornings then. Now the heat is suffocating all day long, and there's no relief. The humidity doesn't help either. High 90's and high humidity are not the most comfortable combination, and the humidity forms this atmospheric seal that seems to hold in all of Bangkok's pollution. The mosquitoes don't seem to share my sentiments. They seem to love this weather. They are thriving. Of course that may also have to do with the exquisite feast of my flesh that keeps their bellies full. Right now as I type pink welts are forming on every exposed surface. Death to them!!! Death to them all!!! I have had a head cold all week, and I am always hot, and I am tired of being dinner to a thousand little blood sucking creatures, can you tell I'm grumpy about it right now?

Whew!

Ahhhh. I finally have some things figured out, or at least mostly figured out. I know when I am going home now. I have a decent idea of what I will do until I go home. A huge weight has been lifted off of my mind. What a great feeling. Now to figure out what I am going to do when I get home. Eh, but I guess I must take things a step at a time. Now to enjoy the rest of my time here, to make the most of it and to be wise with my time and resources...

I have realized that I have a problem in life. I want to do everything. I want to travel, I want to experience, I want to see. I want to spread my wings and go wherever they take me. At the same time I want to develope my roots, and establish myself. It's this whole limiting humanity thing that troubles me. The whole having to choose thing. I don't want to choose, I want to do it all, but God makes us human. He only gives us one life to live, and we never even know just how long that life will be. I am trying to learn to prioritize. I want to be wise with my time and my resources. I don't want to be selfish with them. I want to do what God wants me to do, but I find myself being pulled in so many directions. A million different possibilities are always fighting for my attention. Life is so exciting. The possibilities are endless. I just don't want to waste them by not exploring any, or by exploring too many. Lord, help me to be wise.

Happy Valentines Day!

I don't know why I love this holiday so much. I am always single on V-Day. For some reason though, I love it. I handed out chocolates to all of the Thai teachers at school, and helped Kindergarten make cards covered with red and pink hearts. Some of my little students gave me little heart stickers and cards. The K-1 students all told me that they loved me, and gave me little kisses on the cheek. They are so cute!!!

Im Lao

Tonight the farong teachers at the school that I teach for, pulled together a western meal for a bunch of the Thai teachers from the local government school. Man did we eat well! Ken and Melissa hosted us all at their house. They made the main course, roast beef. We also had mashed potatoes, gravey, vegetables, crab on toast, fresh tropical fruits, deviled eggs, sauted mushrooms, and for desert brownies, cakes, and chocolate banana crepes with real whipped cream. Anybody hungry? We wanted them to try good, true American food. The only form that they were familiar with was the kind taken from the counter at the golden arches. We talked about culture, teaching, and food. They helped us with our Thai, and we helped them with their English. Good food, good conversation, good times.

Gotta Have That Coffee

I just forgot to pour my coffee into my cup, and so I absent-mindedly just took a sip of the powder creamer in the bottom of the cup. Honestly, until I get coffee into my system in the morning I am so spacey!

I went out with some of my friends last night and saw Finding Neverland. I really liked it. I have seen a bunch of good movies lately. For a while there they were all really supid, but lately they have been getting better. The International Movie Festival kicked off the good movie spree with Modigliani. Then came Phantom, which I loved, although my little community of farongs has given mixed responses to it. Last night's movie another one worth seeing.

Chinatown

I went to Chinatown last night for the Chinese New Year celebration to welcome in the year of the rooster! That's my year, by the way. I dressed up in a new shirt with a mandarin collar and gold chinese emblem on the front and my floor-length jean skirt, and my friends Gus and Duk called me "China doll" all night. My friend Kari and I took the river taxi down into Chinatown. I love the river taxi. It's so relaxing, and the trip is beautiful in the evening. As the sun sets all of the little waterfront restuarants and hotels begin to light up, and the river boats all sparkle with strings of twinkle lights. As soon as we got off of the pier, the sights, sounds, smells, and crowds overwhelmed our senses. My eyes were everywhere trying to take in all of the festivities as I was swept along by the current of people. The area was crammed with venders, food carts, wandering musicians, beggars, children in costume, monks. There were stages set up on either end of Chinatown with various performances going on, bands playing, traditional dance, etc. Kari and I were hungry, so we bought some wontons munch on. Well, one of my wontons drooled all over my foot, so I walked around all night with sticky wonton juice in my toes. We didn't do much more than drift around staring at everything and taking pictures.

At the end of our evening we ran into some of the other teachers from the school that Kari teaches at and I live at, we shared a cab ride home. Well, the fun didn't end there. Our cab driver, seeing that we were farong coming from Chinatown on the Chinese New Year, thought that we might be in the mood for a bit of tourism. He gave us a full tour completely in Thai of the government buildings, royal residences, wats (temples), and a zoo in Bangkok on our way home. He was a lot of fun. We tried really hard with our limited Thai to understand some of the tour, and to converse with him. I think he really appreciated the effort. There was plenty of laughter in the cab on the way home.

Moment of Nostalgia

I talked to my friend last night. I walked into her townhouse to drop off her dvd player, and ended up staying for three hours. While I was hooking her dvd player back up she spoke up. "I've made a decision. I'm going home." I was totally not expecting that. Just earlier that day we had had a long conversation about how she was staying here again for next year, and all the preparation that goes with it. "You're what?" I blurted. She started crying. "I know I'm needed here and that everyone expects me to stay, but I really need to go home." I ran over to hug her, and we launched into a huge sniffling conversation about expectations and priorities. We just talked about what is important to us. We realized that we are both at a place where we want to settle near home for a while. We want to reconnect with people who are important to us.

Yesterday the song "Oceanfront Property" kept running though my head. It reminded me of when I was little and Dad used to put on his country records and dance with us around the dining room. It made me miss my family. I feel like I am always so far away or I am in transition between far away places. I miss being a part of things. I want to be part of my little brother's adolescence (although once I am I may change my mind, lol). I want to be able to go to breakfast with my Dad. I miss being part of my church, and all of my friends there. I miss seeing the seasons.

I have been really lucky to do all of the things that I've been able to do. I have had some great opportunities, but I'm just ready to be home for a while.

Are We Still In Thailand?

Erin and I took two of our Thai friends to church yesterday. We took them to the international church that some of the teachers go to. It is inside of a fairly wealthy gated international community. When you drive into the community it feels like you are leaving Thailand behind and entering Florida. It's really quite strange even to me, and I've lived in Florida. To Lee and Gift it was surreal. They just kept looking around them and making comments like, "Are we still in Thailand?" We had a lot of fun though. Behind the church there is a community pool. It is huge and it is right alongside that lake, so it is quite beautiful. Erin and Gift swam in it while Lee and I drank cold coffee drinks on the Starbucks balcony that overlooks the pool. Lee and I chatted with another teacher about what we are all going to be doing next year, the Thai economy versus the American economy, funny language issues, etc. After everyone was finished swimming, we all went to Que Pasa, the nearby Mexican restaurant for lunch, and introduced Gift and Lee to some new and exciting foods. It was quite a fun day.

That evening after a bit of a rest, Erin and I became quite the little domestics. We spent the whole evening baking. We made scotchies and brownies from scratch. Mmmmm did our building smell good. All of the people living in the building, who we hadn't seen all weekend came out of the woodwork. Erin and I both ate enought cookie dough to make us sick. So much fun!

A Little Annoyance

I confronted my devoted admirer again today. He's been leaving me gifts, and notes, and lurking at my job and the building that I live in. He makes me uncomfortable and he won't take a hint. I have talked to him in the past asking him to quit, and several of my friends have talked to him for me as well. Today he had a friend of his give me another little gift, and that was that. I got really annoyed, took the gift, stomped out to where he was sitting, and told him to stop. I told him to leave me alone and not to buy me things anymore. I am not very good at confrontation, and speaking to anyone in the tone that I addressed him in is completely out of character for me, but I had had enough! Hopefully he will get the hint this time. Annoyance!

Shake-in-a-Bag

I think that I am really snapping out of whatever that miserable slump was! I hope so anyway. I am definaltely not as miserable anymore, and I haven't had a stomach ache in almost a week. I even conflicted with the same crazy administrator at work today, and I still had a good day.

I am working alongside the blingual Kindergarten teacher to put together a graduation program for the students, so the first part of my morning was spent in the K-1 classroom. That is always a joy. Every morning I look forward to sliding open the K-1 door and waiting for the first one to realize I am there. When they do the room fills with shouts. "Miss SallAH, Miss SallAH!" They are soooo cute!!! I love that class. I am so glad that I teach them everyday.

After work today I went with a friend to get a shake from Oot, the lady on our soi who runs a shake cart. My friend and I just sat and had a good heart-to-heart. She is someone who I can really talk to, but we get the chance to see each other so seldom that it rarely happens. It was really good to bond in our plastic chairs on the soi while sucking chocolate-coffee shakes out of bags. (If you buy any kind of beverage from a street vendor here, it usually comes in a bag and with a straw.) It was also fun to chat with all of the soi regulars. My friend's Thai is much better than mine, so she chatted a lot more, but I participated as much as I could, which pleased the people who I was talking with.

This evening the Chinese, Thai, and Philipine teachers and I all got together to celebrate one of the Thai teachers' Birthday. They were all telling funny teacher stories. Because of the language barrier they often had to get up and act out the stories which made them even funnier. We had a really good time.

Anonymous Nose Picking

Another Monday down, and it wasn't bad. School was fine. My students were good. I avoided administrators as much as possible. Even the student that I tutor after school was more agreeable than normal.

After school Erin, Vicky, and I went to Khao San Rd to do some shopping. We ate at this amazing Italian restaurant. I had calamari, bruschetta, and some of Erin's gnocchi. That's a meal you can't find on my soi! Erin and I got facials. It was really fun expect that the lady doing mine kept stuffing the cleansing creams and lotions up my nose, and then she would have to go digging in there with her cloth. I have never had someone else pick my nose for me before. It was quite the experience. I also somehow ended up with a chip of glitter on my face before the night was up. Fun times!