My Babbling Brain

The weekend is over, but it was a good one. Saturday morning I went to Chat-u-chak market with a couple of the girls. For some strange reason I was actually in the mood to shop. That is fairly rare. I'm not a huge fan of shopping. Saturday morning, though, I was in the mood for a market, so I found some girls who were heading to the biggest market in Bangkok, and we grabbed a cab. The shopping wasn't great, which is probably great for my budget. I only ended up getting a shirt and a pair of shoes. Orange shoes. Go figure. I went hoping to find a wedding gift for a friend. Oh well. We went to Big C and then stopped for lunch at Sambat's on the way home. His wife makes a great yellow curry which I was in the mood for. Mmm.

When I got home, my friends dropped off their daughter for the weekend. It was their anniversary weekend, and I love their daughter so she hung out with me for the weekend. We ordered pizza, made brownies, watched movies, looked at magazines, and did all the fun slumber party things. I took her to church with me this morning, and then we went swimming afterward. We had a really good time. When we were done swimming I took her to Que Pasa, a Mexican restaurant, for lunch. We had such a good weekend that she begged her Dad not to come get her. She is so funny. I am going to miss that girl when I leave. She whines and pouts everytime I mention leaving.

Spending time with her really makes me think though. Kids often have a different perspective on things than adults do. Spending time with her also reminds me that everything I do and say matters. Everything I do and say is seen or heard by somebody, even if it's God alone. Often I don't even consider the fact that I am being watched, and that my behavior and attitude affects others. I'm especially visible here. My skin is different from everyone else's. I'm the foreigner. Even with the students who are used to me, I am the teacher which makes me an example. It's quite an intimidating concept when you begin to realize how much of your life is perceived by another.

I feel like God has been speaking to me lately through random people and events. He used this weekend to remind me of a lot of things. I really need to focus on what's important. It's so easy for me to let life cloud my view of what is important, to cloud my perspective, to cloud my view of God. Sometimes God uses life to clear away it's own haze though. I guess I just need to stay tuned in to what He's saying and doing. It's like life is this big orchestra that He's conducting. I don't want to get so caught up in the music that I'm creating that I get out of synch with the conductor. It's kind of a dumb metaphor, but it's what my brain is producing at the moment. Anyway, I love that God is so clear and at the same time so mysterious. I love that He's in control of the universe and at the same time so very personal.

I am trying to learn to cherish the moment. Things are moving quickly now. I have so many exciting things coming up, that it's hard to simply live in the present and enjoy it. Sometimes I feel like my mind is everywhere but here where I am. That's one of the things that I have been trying to work on though, is simply living in the present, making the most of it. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain and could be snatched away in an instant, but the present is what I've been given to work with. I better do my best.

I don't know where all this is coming from, but there you have it. That's what I've been doing and thinking about lately. And that's that.