Beautiful Feet? Probably Not.

So today was a fun day. I taugh English at the English Camp this morning. We had a good time. We just did ESL games.

After that three of the girls and I went out for pedicures. I had never experienced the wonders of the pedicure before. It is quite the magical experience. I rather enjoyed it, and now my feet are passable if not somewhat attractive. Ok, I don't want to go too far. They may not be beautiful, but now they have five little spots of mauve at the end of them.

When our pedicures were over we dicided that the fun shouldn't end there, so we grabbed a cab and headed for Khao San Raod to do some shopping. Of course we had fun with that. I grabbed some fisherman's pants, and a few other Thailand specials. I really enjoyed bartering today. Somedays I just don't have it in me, but today I had a great time using as much of my Thai vocabulary as possible, and when my Thai didn't convince them, I pulled out my lower lip. We finished the day off with dinner at this amazing Italian restaurant. Arroy mak mak. So very very delicious!!!

Island to Urban

I stayed on the island a little longer than I had planed, which was really nice. I took the extra time to get started on my advanced certification and to hang out with the adorable boys that I was diving with. There's nothing like spending the whole day diving, and then hanging out with everyone on the beach in the evenings, chatting, listening to live music from one of the local beach bars, etc. Soooo nice. I think I'm hooked.

Ahh I could have stayed there for so much longer, but alas, I must teach at an English camp this weekend, so I had to return to Bangkok. One my way back I got to meet and hang out with some really cool travellers. I also had the joy of eating from the wrong vender and feeling it for the next two days. I'm still a little sick today, but getting over it.

Today I teach at English camp. It should be fun. I'll be pulling out a bunch of ESL games and having a good time with the students.

Monday I am planning on leaving for the south with a bunch of Thai university students. I am going with Campus Crusade on a relief trip to an island villge in the south. We'll be doing tsunami recovery work. I am not completely certain what all that encompasses, but we shall see.

Island Life

I only have two dives left and I have yet to see a shark. Pout. I have been having a really great time though. I love diving. I wish I could stay down here for my advanced course, but I guess I should be practical with my time and money (even if its not really fun to be practical). Tomorrow is my last day of diving, and Erin is coming which should be fun. I will be sad to head back into Bangkok though. I could do another week of island life.

Lovin' the Tropics

My first day of dive classes went really well. I had a lot of fun. My class consists of me and three British boy who are fresh out of high school and traveling together before starting university. I am glad about that. It's a comfortable class. The boys and the instructors are goofy and fun. My classroom instructor so far has been this tall, barrel-chested Dane with unruly blond hair and a deep red sunburn. He's from Copenhagen and he dove in the waters of Denmark until he could afford to complete his instructor's course and move to this remote little island. My in-water instructor is a very nice Scot names Craig. He has the best accent and eternal patience. He makes the in-water sessions a lot of fun. So far we have only worked in the pool, but tomorrow we head out into shallow water. The next day we hit deeper stuff. They tell me that this past week a team got to see a whale shark where we will be diving the last two days. That would be sooo sweet. A whale shark or a manta ray would be amazing, but not incredibly likely. We shall see what we shall see! Should be exciting.

The island that I'm on is really small and mellow. Not too many people here. It has government regualted power, since it's just a tiny little island out here in the middle of the Bay of Siam, so our little bungalow that we're renting for about $3 each per night only has power from 6pm to 8am. It's all good though, we don't really need power for anything here. Just sunshine, sand, and water.

I made it!

Today was the last day of school. Our little graduation ceremony went really well. It was so much fun to see the little ones with their parents. My students performed and they did a great job. I am so proud of them.

Tonight my roomate and I are off to Koh Tao to do some scuba diving. Mmmm. Five days of white sands, turquoise waters, coral reefs, relaxation. Wonderful. What more can I ask? I can't wait.

Methaphoric Mumbling

I chatted with Jeremy this morning. He and Tom are at home and I'm missing the reunion. I wish I could be there with them, but of course I wouldn't give up my last couple of months here. I just wish that they'd still be there when I get home. It's interesting to hear Jeremy's impressions of home. It makes me wonder what my impressions will be when I go back. It will be so wonderful to see everyone, and to be back in familiar places with familiar people,eating familiar food, hearing that familiar southwestern Pennsylvania accent (which I didn't realize existed until I moved away). When the excitement of all the reunions wears off though, how will I react? Will I be able to settle back into life at home easily? How difficult is it going to be? I know that many things will be different, but many things will also be the same. Will I begin itching to go again, or will I be ready to settle. So many questions that only time can answer I suppose.

Sometimes questions like these bother me, but mostly they just amuse me. I love being young. I love having options. I love that the future spreads out ahead of me like a buffet, the options are endless and if something is really good I can go for seconds. (Can you tell I've been thinking about food?) Having questions like those means that there are possibilities. Life is still a great wilderness waiting to be explored. I have only just begun.

Two More Days

Two days left of this school year. Two days left of running around trying to be invisible, trying to aviod the women who seems to be bent on driving me insane. Two more days of being yelled at and blamed for things that are completely her fault. Two more days of thinking of good come-backs after she's already stalked triumphantly away. Two more days of the sound of my own name causing the hair to rise on the back of my neck. Soon I will be free of her. Out from under her "motherly" gaze. Away from her constant criticism and lies. She will no longer be able to send me to the alter to repent whenever I don't take the blame for her own lack of responsibility. She will no longer be able to tell me just what God "really" thinks of me. I will be far away from her. Two more days and I am finished. Bitterness? Me? No way!

I Love Norah Jones

Just in case you were wondering...

Relapse

The plague has caught up to me again. Yesterday I found myself outside shivering in 95 degree heat. I had goosebumps! I was sore all over, my back, head, and stomach hurt. No fun. This morning, I am not feeling much better, but I am armed with drugs, so hopefully I can do what I need to today.

Tonight is the Norah Jones concert. I am really excited! I love her. I am going to be really upset if I am sick for that.

Life Update

I am feeling a lot better than I was, although the headache is still sticking around. This weekend I was a total bum. I laid around in my pajamas, read, and graded student work. I just didn't feel like facing the pollution outside. I didn't feel like facing the heat, or all of the overwhelming smells of our soi. I really didn't feel like being far from my bed to be honest. I slept so much this weekend. Half of me feels like I wasted a ton of time sleeping, and the other half wants to go take a nap right now. Go figure.

I went to the English speaking church this morning. I met a cool girl there who is my age. She just started working with Bangkok Campus Crusade. She came out to lunch with some of the other teachers and me. She's planning on coming on the relief trip south that I'm going on in March. I can't wait. I'm really excited about that.

This is the last week of school. I can't believe it. I am really excited about it though. I'll miss the students, especially the littlest ones, but I'm really excited about what the next couple of months holds. Friday night after our little graduation program, my roomate and I are getting on a bus and heading to an island. I am going to get my open water scuba licence, and she will dive as well. She already has her licence, but it'll be fun to hang out together at the beach. After that, we will do an English camp witht the local Thai church, and then it's off to Indonesia for her and off to the south for me. During April I'll be teaching the summer sessions here at GES. Then it's home for me! My last two months here have started! They re going to be great!

My Sahby

I'm feelin' like crap today. I just want to curl up and sleep so that I don't have to feel this cruddy, but my head hurts so bad that I can't sleep. My students of course chose this of all days to be insane, and this is my longest hardest day anyway. Not fun. I hope I feel better tomorrow. Just thought I'd pop on and complain, hehe. Now back to bed.

Rubber-necking

My friends and I caused a car accident today. We went to the movies tonight, a favorite passtime of ours, and on the way we caused quite the ruckus. There were six of us, and (cheap teachers that we are) we decided to save on cab fare by squeazing into one cab. We climbed in, one in the front with the driver and the other five piled in the back. It must have been quite the sight, five farong shoved into the backseat of a Bangkok taxi. Apparently it caught somebody's attention, because somewhere along the elevated highway we heard a loud crunch. "Oh my goodness!" shreiked my friend. "That guy was so busy staring at us that he just ran into the back of that taxi cab!" Sure enough we looked back to see traffic piling up behind the fender-bender that we unwittingly contributed to.

Bangkok Markets

The one thing I'm going to miss about living in Bangkok is the markets. Any given sidewalk in this city is crowded with vendors of some form or another. I went to the mall last night with my roomate, but I didn't buy anything there. Why buy stuff at the mall when all of the streets outside of the mall are covered with perfectly good markets which sell things for half the price or less? It's more fun to shop at the markets anyway. You get to interact more (which for a foreigner is usually either hilarious or frustrating). The bartering is like a sport. The stuff is always cheaper. Of course the vendors cause extreme slowdowns in sidewalk traffic, but the hustle and bustle of sidewalk shopping just added to the life and character of the city. It's part of what makes Bangkok, Bangkok.

Frustration

There's no pleasing anybody, not that I even care. It's just annoying to be harped on all the time. When I first got here all I heard about was how fat I was. I got called fat, giant, and random Thai words that don't mean anything attractive. Now everybody's harping about how thin I am. Honestly I don't notice any difference. I'm not that thin. Especially not compared to the Thai women. But they won't just leave me alone and let it go. This country's obsessed with weight. They keep trying to give me money so that I will eat. Trust me, I eat. They all make fun of me at meals saying that I must be on a diet. Trust me I'm not. I may have lost a pound or two of sweat because I am not used to living in a perpetual sauna, but I haven't done anything special, and nobody needs to be concerned about my health! My manager was just in here informing me very loudly that I am not healthy because of my eating habits. What does he know about my eating habits? And why does he feel the need to yell all the time? Ok, I think I'm done venting for now. Sorry bout that guys.

My Babbling Brain

The weekend is over, but it was a good one. Saturday morning I went to Chat-u-chak market with a couple of the girls. For some strange reason I was actually in the mood to shop. That is fairly rare. I'm not a huge fan of shopping. Saturday morning, though, I was in the mood for a market, so I found some girls who were heading to the biggest market in Bangkok, and we grabbed a cab. The shopping wasn't great, which is probably great for my budget. I only ended up getting a shirt and a pair of shoes. Orange shoes. Go figure. I went hoping to find a wedding gift for a friend. Oh well. We went to Big C and then stopped for lunch at Sambat's on the way home. His wife makes a great yellow curry which I was in the mood for. Mmm.

When I got home, my friends dropped off their daughter for the weekend. It was their anniversary weekend, and I love their daughter so she hung out with me for the weekend. We ordered pizza, made brownies, watched movies, looked at magazines, and did all the fun slumber party things. I took her to church with me this morning, and then we went swimming afterward. We had a really good time. When we were done swimming I took her to Que Pasa, a Mexican restaurant, for lunch. We had such a good weekend that she begged her Dad not to come get her. She is so funny. I am going to miss that girl when I leave. She whines and pouts everytime I mention leaving.

Spending time with her really makes me think though. Kids often have a different perspective on things than adults do. Spending time with her also reminds me that everything I do and say matters. Everything I do and say is seen or heard by somebody, even if it's God alone. Often I don't even consider the fact that I am being watched, and that my behavior and attitude affects others. I'm especially visible here. My skin is different from everyone else's. I'm the foreigner. Even with the students who are used to me, I am the teacher which makes me an example. It's quite an intimidating concept when you begin to realize how much of your life is perceived by another.

I feel like God has been speaking to me lately through random people and events. He used this weekend to remind me of a lot of things. I really need to focus on what's important. It's so easy for me to let life cloud my view of what is important, to cloud my perspective, to cloud my view of God. Sometimes God uses life to clear away it's own haze though. I guess I just need to stay tuned in to what He's saying and doing. It's like life is this big orchestra that He's conducting. I don't want to get so caught up in the music that I'm creating that I get out of synch with the conductor. It's kind of a dumb metaphor, but it's what my brain is producing at the moment. Anyway, I love that God is so clear and at the same time so mysterious. I love that He's in control of the universe and at the same time so very personal.

I am trying to learn to cherish the moment. Things are moving quickly now. I have so many exciting things coming up, that it's hard to simply live in the present and enjoy it. Sometimes I feel like my mind is everywhere but here where I am. That's one of the things that I have been trying to work on though, is simply living in the present, making the most of it. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain and could be snatched away in an instant, but the present is what I've been given to work with. I better do my best.

I don't know where all this is coming from, but there you have it. That's what I've been doing and thinking about lately. And that's that.

It's Winding Down Folks

The week is almost over, and I only have two more weeks of school left after that!!! I can't believe that the school year is almost over! After that things will fly around here. Man I am going to miss my students, especially Kindergarten. They are so cute. I'll also miss a bunch of the Thai teachers that I work with and the office staff. I can think of a person or two that I won't miss too much at all though. It'll be a bit of a relief to get away from them. I am glad that I won't have to spend my last month and a half in Thailand working under them. I think I am going to really enjoy the rest of my time here. I am really excited about all that is coming!

Letting Off Steam (Literally)

I swear lately I am a constant puddle. I drip from place to place and when I can't move anymore I simply sit and puddle. Hot season has arrived, and I cannot take the heat!!! Even that cool season was really warm for me, but at least I didn't sweat in the mornings then. Now the heat is suffocating all day long, and there's no relief. The humidity doesn't help either. High 90's and high humidity are not the most comfortable combination, and the humidity forms this atmospheric seal that seems to hold in all of Bangkok's pollution. The mosquitoes don't seem to share my sentiments. They seem to love this weather. They are thriving. Of course that may also have to do with the exquisite feast of my flesh that keeps their bellies full. Right now as I type pink welts are forming on every exposed surface. Death to them!!! Death to them all!!! I have had a head cold all week, and I am always hot, and I am tired of being dinner to a thousand little blood sucking creatures, can you tell I'm grumpy about it right now?

Whew!

Ahhhh. I finally have some things figured out, or at least mostly figured out. I know when I am going home now. I have a decent idea of what I will do until I go home. A huge weight has been lifted off of my mind. What a great feeling. Now to figure out what I am going to do when I get home. Eh, but I guess I must take things a step at a time. Now to enjoy the rest of my time here, to make the most of it and to be wise with my time and resources...

I have realized that I have a problem in life. I want to do everything. I want to travel, I want to experience, I want to see. I want to spread my wings and go wherever they take me. At the same time I want to develope my roots, and establish myself. It's this whole limiting humanity thing that troubles me. The whole having to choose thing. I don't want to choose, I want to do it all, but God makes us human. He only gives us one life to live, and we never even know just how long that life will be. I am trying to learn to prioritize. I want to be wise with my time and my resources. I don't want to be selfish with them. I want to do what God wants me to do, but I find myself being pulled in so many directions. A million different possibilities are always fighting for my attention. Life is so exciting. The possibilities are endless. I just don't want to waste them by not exploring any, or by exploring too many. Lord, help me to be wise.

Happy Valentines Day!

I don't know why I love this holiday so much. I am always single on V-Day. For some reason though, I love it. I handed out chocolates to all of the Thai teachers at school, and helped Kindergarten make cards covered with red and pink hearts. Some of my little students gave me little heart stickers and cards. The K-1 students all told me that they loved me, and gave me little kisses on the cheek. They are so cute!!!

Im Lao

Tonight the farong teachers at the school that I teach for, pulled together a western meal for a bunch of the Thai teachers from the local government school. Man did we eat well! Ken and Melissa hosted us all at their house. They made the main course, roast beef. We also had mashed potatoes, gravey, vegetables, crab on toast, fresh tropical fruits, deviled eggs, sauted mushrooms, and for desert brownies, cakes, and chocolate banana crepes with real whipped cream. Anybody hungry? We wanted them to try good, true American food. The only form that they were familiar with was the kind taken from the counter at the golden arches. We talked about culture, teaching, and food. They helped us with our Thai, and we helped them with their English. Good food, good conversation, good times.

Gotta Have That Coffee

I just forgot to pour my coffee into my cup, and so I absent-mindedly just took a sip of the powder creamer in the bottom of the cup. Honestly, until I get coffee into my system in the morning I am so spacey!

I went out with some of my friends last night and saw Finding Neverland. I really liked it. I have seen a bunch of good movies lately. For a while there they were all really supid, but lately they have been getting better. The International Movie Festival kicked off the good movie spree with Modigliani. Then came Phantom, which I loved, although my little community of farongs has given mixed responses to it. Last night's movie another one worth seeing.

Chinatown

I went to Chinatown last night for the Chinese New Year celebration to welcome in the year of the rooster! That's my year, by the way. I dressed up in a new shirt with a mandarin collar and gold chinese emblem on the front and my floor-length jean skirt, and my friends Gus and Duk called me "China doll" all night. My friend Kari and I took the river taxi down into Chinatown. I love the river taxi. It's so relaxing, and the trip is beautiful in the evening. As the sun sets all of the little waterfront restuarants and hotels begin to light up, and the river boats all sparkle with strings of twinkle lights. As soon as we got off of the pier, the sights, sounds, smells, and crowds overwhelmed our senses. My eyes were everywhere trying to take in all of the festivities as I was swept along by the current of people. The area was crammed with venders, food carts, wandering musicians, beggars, children in costume, monks. There were stages set up on either end of Chinatown with various performances going on, bands playing, traditional dance, etc. Kari and I were hungry, so we bought some wontons munch on. Well, one of my wontons drooled all over my foot, so I walked around all night with sticky wonton juice in my toes. We didn't do much more than drift around staring at everything and taking pictures.

At the end of our evening we ran into some of the other teachers from the school that Kari teaches at and I live at, we shared a cab ride home. Well, the fun didn't end there. Our cab driver, seeing that we were farong coming from Chinatown on the Chinese New Year, thought that we might be in the mood for a bit of tourism. He gave us a full tour completely in Thai of the government buildings, royal residences, wats (temples), and a zoo in Bangkok on our way home. He was a lot of fun. We tried really hard with our limited Thai to understand some of the tour, and to converse with him. I think he really appreciated the effort. There was plenty of laughter in the cab on the way home.

Moment of Nostalgia

I talked to my friend last night. I walked into her townhouse to drop off her dvd player, and ended up staying for three hours. While I was hooking her dvd player back up she spoke up. "I've made a decision. I'm going home." I was totally not expecting that. Just earlier that day we had had a long conversation about how she was staying here again for next year, and all the preparation that goes with it. "You're what?" I blurted. She started crying. "I know I'm needed here and that everyone expects me to stay, but I really need to go home." I ran over to hug her, and we launched into a huge sniffling conversation about expectations and priorities. We just talked about what is important to us. We realized that we are both at a place where we want to settle near home for a while. We want to reconnect with people who are important to us.

Yesterday the song "Oceanfront Property" kept running though my head. It reminded me of when I was little and Dad used to put on his country records and dance with us around the dining room. It made me miss my family. I feel like I am always so far away or I am in transition between far away places. I miss being a part of things. I want to be part of my little brother's adolescence (although once I am I may change my mind, lol). I want to be able to go to breakfast with my Dad. I miss being part of my church, and all of my friends there. I miss seeing the seasons.

I have been really lucky to do all of the things that I've been able to do. I have had some great opportunities, but I'm just ready to be home for a while.

Are We Still In Thailand?

Erin and I took two of our Thai friends to church yesterday. We took them to the international church that some of the teachers go to. It is inside of a fairly wealthy gated international community. When you drive into the community it feels like you are leaving Thailand behind and entering Florida. It's really quite strange even to me, and I've lived in Florida. To Lee and Gift it was surreal. They just kept looking around them and making comments like, "Are we still in Thailand?" We had a lot of fun though. Behind the church there is a community pool. It is huge and it is right alongside that lake, so it is quite beautiful. Erin and Gift swam in it while Lee and I drank cold coffee drinks on the Starbucks balcony that overlooks the pool. Lee and I chatted with another teacher about what we are all going to be doing next year, the Thai economy versus the American economy, funny language issues, etc. After everyone was finished swimming, we all went to Que Pasa, the nearby Mexican restaurant for lunch, and introduced Gift and Lee to some new and exciting foods. It was quite a fun day.

That evening after a bit of a rest, Erin and I became quite the little domestics. We spent the whole evening baking. We made scotchies and brownies from scratch. Mmmmm did our building smell good. All of the people living in the building, who we hadn't seen all weekend came out of the woodwork. Erin and I both ate enought cookie dough to make us sick. So much fun!

A Little Annoyance

I confronted my devoted admirer again today. He's been leaving me gifts, and notes, and lurking at my job and the building that I live in. He makes me uncomfortable and he won't take a hint. I have talked to him in the past asking him to quit, and several of my friends have talked to him for me as well. Today he had a friend of his give me another little gift, and that was that. I got really annoyed, took the gift, stomped out to where he was sitting, and told him to stop. I told him to leave me alone and not to buy me things anymore. I am not very good at confrontation, and speaking to anyone in the tone that I addressed him in is completely out of character for me, but I had had enough! Hopefully he will get the hint this time. Annoyance!

Shake-in-a-Bag

I think that I am really snapping out of whatever that miserable slump was! I hope so anyway. I am definaltely not as miserable anymore, and I haven't had a stomach ache in almost a week. I even conflicted with the same crazy administrator at work today, and I still had a good day.

I am working alongside the blingual Kindergarten teacher to put together a graduation program for the students, so the first part of my morning was spent in the K-1 classroom. That is always a joy. Every morning I look forward to sliding open the K-1 door and waiting for the first one to realize I am there. When they do the room fills with shouts. "Miss SallAH, Miss SallAH!" They are soooo cute!!! I love that class. I am so glad that I teach them everyday.

After work today I went with a friend to get a shake from Oot, the lady on our soi who runs a shake cart. My friend and I just sat and had a good heart-to-heart. She is someone who I can really talk to, but we get the chance to see each other so seldom that it rarely happens. It was really good to bond in our plastic chairs on the soi while sucking chocolate-coffee shakes out of bags. (If you buy any kind of beverage from a street vendor here, it usually comes in a bag and with a straw.) It was also fun to chat with all of the soi regulars. My friend's Thai is much better than mine, so she chatted a lot more, but I participated as much as I could, which pleased the people who I was talking with.

This evening the Chinese, Thai, and Philipine teachers and I all got together to celebrate one of the Thai teachers' Birthday. They were all telling funny teacher stories. Because of the language barrier they often had to get up and act out the stories which made them even funnier. We had a really good time.

Anonymous Nose Picking

Another Monday down, and it wasn't bad. School was fine. My students were good. I avoided administrators as much as possible. Even the student that I tutor after school was more agreeable than normal.

After school Erin, Vicky, and I went to Khao San Rd to do some shopping. We ate at this amazing Italian restaurant. I had calamari, bruschetta, and some of Erin's gnocchi. That's a meal you can't find on my soi! Erin and I got facials. It was really fun expect that the lady doing mine kept stuffing the cleansing creams and lotions up my nose, and then she would have to go digging in there with her cloth. I have never had someone else pick my nose for me before. It was quite the experience. I also somehow ended up with a chip of glitter on my face before the night was up. Fun times!

What Weekend?

I went to Dreamworld today with a bunch of the Thai teachers. I had no idea what to expect out of the place, but it ended up being a tiny little amusement park. Being with the people that I was with made it so much fun. I love hanging out with them. I want us all to go ice-skating sometime soon. Now that will be an interesting experience. I told them that I would teach them how to skate. We shall see how that goes over. I can't wait.

Yesterday we had a huge Expo at my school. I managed a boothe promoting the college that I graduated from. I helped one young man actually fill out and send in his application. He is completely planning on going there in the fall. It will be really funny to see him there when I go down to visit my brother or something. Other than him, I have very little interest and very few visitors, which made the day fairly uneventful and slightly boring. It was really hot. We were all sitting in puddles of sweat by mid-morning. The day was really long and tiring (mainly because of the heat) but it was pretty good.

I can't believe that tomorrow is the beginning of another work week. I hope it goes as fast as the last one. We have new schedules once again which gives each of the foreign teachers an extra class everyday. It makes a little more work for us, but I actually kind of enjoy it. My new class is actually decently behaved, and enjoyable to teach, and the extra work causes time to go faster. I hope this week is decent.

Unwanted Affection Again

Once again little notes and gifts are showing up on my doorstep and on my desk. It all smells strangely familiar, like I've experienced this before. Oh, wait, I have, a couple of times, and each time this started up I asked for it to stop, and then the guy behind it all sulked until the next time he started it all up. Yet another reason why I will be happy to leave this school. I will escape the never-ending, very unwanted affection of a certain person here. I don't even leave hints, I make requests. It's not like I am beating around the bush. Why can he not just leave me alone? If things haven't changed since I got here, and now I am planning on moving back to the U.S., why won't he just let it go? I do not understand, but I am thoroughly annoyed.

Hair-loss, Heart Talk

I am losing hair. I think that I am going to go home bald. I wonder how I would look bald? I wonder why I am losing hair? Probably stress. I should just shave my head and be done with it.

Once again I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach. Of course then I fed it coffee which cannot be a good thing. If I don't kill my stomach with coffee in the morning though, then my head will kill me and I have a much higher chance of killing my students during the day. We wouldn't want that, and so I will continue on the road to an ulcer. Do I sound unhealthy or what?

Jase asked me yesteday if all of stuff I saw in the south when I was helping with tsunami relief may have affected my stress level. Another girl who went down there the week that I got home from it said that she thought it may be affecting her that way. I have no idea how much that kind of stuff can affect you, but maybe it has something to do with it all. I don't really know a ton about stuff like that. I never even took a psychology class.

I know that I am really glad I went. I think that it would have been a shame for me to be available and here at a time like that and not go to do what I could. I also know that it was really hard. For the most part I was fine while I was down there, but coming home to Bangkok was the rough part. Going back to my job has been extremely difficult, especially since we all know I like my job so much.

Being down in the south in the midst of the disaster though, was unlike anything that you could really imagine. I guess everyone has the media coverage, and all the horrifying newspaper images in their heads, but I think to actually be there in the midst of it is different. To have all your senses assulted with the magnitude of the disaster is a little overwhelming. Walking from relief center to relief center, seeing the field of bodies at each one, picking through the debris on the beach with the stench of rotting corpses hanging thick in the air, never knowing when you might just come upon the next body, talking to people who are searching for loved ones, or who are walking around in a daze still having lost everything, it's a lot to assimilate. It's a lot to deal with.

It's a hard thing to leave behind, especially when this crazy work environment is what I came home to. I had my brother for a week which was nice, but now that he's gone I really miss him. It was nice to have the comfort of a family member at the end of a day full of screaming in another language, and miserable confusion. It's all good though. The school year shall come to an end soon.

So, to my friends who read this regularly to stay in touch with my life, I know I've been a little crazy lately. I'm sorry that all of my blogs have been so negative. I can't promise that they'll change either. This is just my way of getting out frustration. Thank you guys for being supportive though. I love you.

Something for Sarah....

I know that you have been having a rough time, so here's a poem from an Indian poet........

HARD TIMES

"Music is silenced, the dark descending slowly
Has stripped unending skies of all companions.
Weariness grips your limbs and within the locked horizons
Dumbly ring the bells of hugely gathering fears.
Still, O bird, O sightless bird,
Not yet, not yet the time to furl your wings.

It's not melodious woodlands but the leaps and falls
Of an ocean's drowsy booming,
Not a grove bedecked with flowers but a tumult flecked with foam.
Where is the shore that stored your buds and leaves?
Where the nest and the branch's hold?
Still, O bird, my sightless bird,
Not yet, not yet the time to furl your wings.

Stretching in front of you the night's immensity
Hides the western hill where sleeps the distant sun;
Still with bated breath the world is counting time and swimming
Across the shoreless dark a crescent moon
Has thinly just appeared upon the dim horizon.
--But O my bird, O sightless bird,
Not yet, not yet the time to furl your wings.

From upper skies the stars with pointing fingers
Intently watch your course and death's impatience
Lashes at you from the deeps in swirling waves ;
And sad entreaties line the farthest shore
With hands outstretched and crooning
' Come, O come ! ' Still, O bird, O sightless bird,
Not yet, not yet the time to furl your wings.

All that is past: your fears and loves and hopes ;
All that is lost: your words and lamentation ;
No longer yours a home nor a bed composed of flowers.
For wings are all you have, and the sky's broadening countryard,
And the dawn steeped in darkness, lacking all direction.
Dear bird, my sightless bird,
Not yet, not yet the time to furl your wings!"

An adaption from Rabindranath Tagore


There is nothing that can be said to make it better, just know that in a little over 100 days, you will be home, and this time will be nothing but a past memory.....
We all love you Sarah

--0r4cl3

Life Bits

Some of my friends and I went downtown last night to the Bangkok International Film Festival. We saw a European film called Modigliani. It was really good. I haven't seen a really good film since Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and that's been quite a while. I think my roomate and I are going again tonight. That's the plan anyway. Should be fun.

My roomate and I redecorated our little area today. We put stuff on the walls and rearranged. It's so nice to have a roomate. I was only without one for a little while, but I am really glad Erin's here now. We are as different as night and day, but it totally works. I think our differences work as compliments. Whatever the case, I am thankful for her.

One of my students is moving to the U.S. I told her that if she and her family are ever in my area to come stay with us. How crazy it would be to see one of my students outside of Thailand. Talk about a different environment. It would be really cool though. It's funny how you just automatically put a person in the environment that you know them in, and it's just odd to imagine them in any other place. I hope I see her in the U.S.

Is this true?

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence
You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Stress and Stupidity

We had another meeting at work yesterday. Gotta love those meetings. Nothing like wasting unnecessary amounts of time going in circles and accomplishing nothing. In the end we ended up with only illogical solutions to all of the problems presented and plenty of extra work to do. And when they figure out in a month or less that these ridiculous attempts at solutions are not working, they will restructure again, and we will get even more unnecessary work to do that will continue to accomplish nothing and the pattern will continue. None of us are even really clear on exactly what it is that we're doing because there is no clear communication ever. It's all so ridiculous. I am not the expert on running a school, but I was in school for quite a while before coming here, and I really don't think that this is the way to do it. I can't wait to get out of here.

Sometimes I am sad that my Thailand experience has been so wrapped up in this crazy job. I really like Thailand whenever I am not here, but that is so seldom (since I work and live here) that my whole impression of the country is tainted by my work experience here. Other aspects of the place I like, but the work aspect seems to make everything so miserable, that it takes away from the good things here. Now I just can't wait to leave.

Twenty-Something

Why do I spend time on these dumb quizzes? Because I have a distinct weakness for them. So apparently I am 20. Sounds good to me!

What Age Do You Act?
You Are 20 Years Old
20 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Faint Traces of Sunlight

The sun rose this morning, and I think it was beautiful, but I can't know for sure because I could only see faint traces of it peeking from behind the crumbling concrete of dingy buildings. I began this day, this week, with the miserable feeling fo dread lying like lead in the pit of my stomach. Why can't I get past this feeling of nausea that accompanies me to work every morning? It's ridiculous. About halfway through the day, however, the lead in the pit of my stomach began to lighten and I began feeling better. It's another gray day today, and I rather like it. It's cooler than usual, and a nice break from the scorching sun and steaming heat that characterizes typical Bangkok weather. My students were obnoxious and defiant this morning, but towards the end of the day I had a couple of well-behaved classes, and the ones who weren't, were at least young enough and cute enough to get away with it. Am I a teacher? Is this really me? Sometimes I love it, but sometimes I wonder. Can I really do this? Well, I am. I don't like my job too much, but it's not really the teaching that I don't like, it's other things... I guess I can only do my best.

Courtesy of J

What Kind of Soul Are You?
According to this quiz, I Am a Traveler Soul:
You're a thrill seeker who loves to be active and on the moveYou love to wander: between places, ideas, and people.A good communicator, you're a nonconformist and interested in the world.You are an explorer, a good storyteller, and a true dreamer.Because you're always on the move, you can be a bit fickle.It's difficult for you to make personal commitments.Don't be so quick to ignore emotional issues and problems.You're much more intuitive and psychic than you think.Souls you are most compatible with: Retrospective Soul and Dreaming Soul

I guess that basically describes me, except for the nonconformist part. I don't think that's me at all. I'm definately fickle, and don't make personal commitments. What do you think?

Gray Day

Today I did nothing, and enjoyed every moment of it. It was rainy and gray today. I didn't leave the building at all until nine o'clock this evening. Today was the perfect day to put on my comfiest clothes, make a cup of hot apple cider (courtesy of Carolyn) and read, write, clean, and be a bum all day. It was nice not to have to go anywhere.

I don't know what's been wrong with me the past couple of weeks, but I've been a big bundle of tension. My stomach has been hurting daily, I've been getting headaches, and I've been so emotional. I cry at the stupidest things. Everytime I encounter my administrator I leave her shaking, and everytime I think about going in to school, I become nauseated. Honestly, this is ridiculous. I don't know what my problem is, but I know that this isn't normal. I need to get over it, whatever it is. Hopefully this week will be better. Lord give me strength.

Anxiety

So I don't want to go in to work so much today that my stomache is sick. I really don't like my working environment that much. Honestly, what is my problem? I have to get over this, or I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life! I don't know what my problem is, but ever since I got back from the tsunami zone I have just wanted to go home. That's all I want to do. I feel bad, because it's not like I don't like Thailand. I do like Thailand, and I know that I should enjoy it while I am here. I know that when I leave I am going to miss it. I am aware of that in my head, but the rest of me just wants to go home. The thing is, going home is scarey too. I need to find a job, a car, a life... Yikes. Right now though, I am so eager to be in a comfortable familiar environment, with people who I know and love, that I don't even care about any of those things. I know I need to cherish the rest of my time here. I don't want to waste it. I know I need to make the most out of it, and I am trying, but lately my heart and my head are at home in southwestern Pennsylvania with my friends and my family, and I can't seem to help it. Sigh.

Yes, I am a thief...

I STOLE this from Jason
(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal/blog, copy and paste this and say that you stole it from me.

Mangled Mass of Emotions

Honestly how do you go from sleeping in a field of dead bodies, seeing people's lives destroyed, helping people who are desparately searching for loved ones (who really had no chance of survival) to teaching snobby little children who get everything that they want, and working for people who are so focussed on promoing the school bringing in students to bring in more $$$ that they give only a passing thought to the disaster that has devastated or taken so many lives? Ok, so maybe I am being a bit harsh, a bit unfair. Actually I know I am being way too harsh, but it's hard not to be at the moment. I had no chance to decompress. I went from disaster zone one day to teaching and dealing with all the stress that I hate the next. After this past week everything that I do here seems so meaningless. I am sorry that I am venting, but I figure that it's better for me to get it all out here than during my workday or with the people around me. I came back and fit right back into the mold that I am supposed to fit, went right back to life, but it's miserable. I don't know really what I want though. I don't really want to go back into that disaster zone. I would do it, but it was really hard to handle. Mostly I just want to go back to America and be with all of the people that I love. I am so glad that my brother is here with me still. When he leaves I think I am going to have a minor breakdown. I think I just need to cry and get it out of my system, but I don't want to do it yet. I want to enjoy every moment with Dave still here.

Lord, help. I need Your perspective right now.

Back to life, or something like it

So I am back to life as usual, and I hate every moment of it. I want so badly to get another job. Actually right now I just want to go home to America, to my family, to my friends. I am hating this place right now. I don't want to be here at all. I am hoping that I'll be able to slide into that somewhat more comfortable state of dealing with this job that I was in before, but it may take me a while.

I am alive.

Okay, so I don't have much time to write at the moment, but I thought I'd give a breif update on life in general. Life is... well it's life, which is an awesome thing to me today after the week I've had. Just having life is amazing after the death and destruction that I have seen this week. My brother and I and two other guys hopped on a plane last week to head south to the tsunami zone and see what we could do. I have never seen such devatation. Unbelievable. We spent the week living like hobo's (and smelling like hobos)walking up the devastation zone with backpacks on our backs doing whatever we could to help. I'll write more about those adventures when there is time to write.

All of my friends are ok too. Some of them got on boats leaving the worst struck places only a half an hour before it struck. Talk about miraculous! Thanks for everyone's prayers.

So it's back to work today. I'm not too excited about that. Somehow I have to reformat my brain from extreme disaster mode to teacher mode in a matter of hours. Well, here we go.

A Brief Appearance

Merry Christmas! I am a little late in this greeting, sorry about that. I am in Chiang Mai staying with some friends, so I haven't been surfing the net much. I thought I'd make a brief appearance on-line today though. I had a really good Christmas. It's nice to spend Christmas with a family, to have children around to squeal and giggle as they open their presents. My friends up here have been so wonderful to David and I. I do miss everyone from home though. I love you guys, and I hope your holiday has been great.

I have been having a great time with Dave here. It's so much more fun to be in Thailand with Dave. We have had all kinds of little adventures, but maybe I'll write more about those when i have time to write.

A tsunami struck our shores Monday morning. It struck the beaches that several of my friends were staying at. One of them had her whole family with her on the island that suffered the most devastation in this country. I haven't heard anything from them yet, but communication is bad right now. Please pray for them if you think of it.

Overwhelmed

Sometimes I feel like I will never be whole. I am pulled in so many different directions. Everywhere I go I leave a part of me behind. Everywhere I go I always miss something, someone, but I am drawn on. It's this crazy paradox that has become my life. I don't fully understand it. I don't know if I ever will. Sometimes I feel so human that I think I am going to burst. Sometimes I wish I could step outside of my humanity and just do what God wants me to do, instead of having to feel it all, but then I remember that He feels it all with me. He offers the ultimate empathy, because He is there, in the midst, feeling it all right along with me. I love that He is not just this distant, impersonal God who watches from above like a warehouse supervisor with His checklist. He's on the floor. He's involved. He's there.

An interesting blog:

toi la nguoi

Bring an End to the Stress

I got the greatest care package ever from my best friend this week. It was full of real coffee, and good chocolate, two of my favorite things in life. I think I can survive here for sure with supplies like that coming across the border! When I opened it my roomate saw the contents and raise her eyebrows, "She sure knows you well." I love it! Thanks for the survival package, Mandy. It totally brightens a stressful week.

Thank goodness that after tomorrow my school's Grand Opening Expo, and Christmas Program will be over. I will be so relieved. It is such an event! They have been building all kinds of random things for the event. They brought in a ton of huge pavillion-like tents. Workers have been working on the grounds and buildings forever. The stress just keeps building. After tomorrow it will be over. Whew!!! What a relief that will be.

After that my brother will be here!!! I can't wait to have him here. The comfort factor of having a family member around is huge. He's like a shelter from daily comments and criticism that I constantly get in my work environment (which I rarely ecscape since I live on the same floor with my employers). I know he loves me, and that he'll be on my side. It's nice to have someone like that. I hate feeling like I am always hanging out there on my own. When my brother's around I don't.

A Pretty Darn Good Fool

Tonight was the Christmas party for my evening ESL class. It was soooo much fun. I love my evening students. That is the part of being here that I like. I love being friends with these people. They are so wonderful to me. They are so kind and gracious. After the party I went out to another party that the teachers of the school that I teach at in the day and it's sister school were having in the lawn of the school. We just blared music and danced, for the rest of the evening. I can't dance, but I can make a pretty darn good fool when I try, so I tried, and had a blast. Now I am exhausted and I have a couple of stressful days ahead of me, so I am going to bed.

Renewed Perspective

Two days ago I had a really long chat (on-line) with a friend of mine from Egypt. Everytime we talk, he challenges and encourages me. He always makes me think. He is never confrontational or accusing, but what he says and his perspective on things always seems to challenge or change mine. It is so good to talk to him.

I told him about some of my frustrations and struggles here. I really struggle with the administration at the school that I work at. They honestly make me crazy. I also struggle almost daily with missing friends, family, and my culture. It's not easy to live in another country, another culture, especially at the beginning. The adjustment period seems to be the hardest for me. It was nice to be honest with him, to not pretend to be doing better than I am. He really encouraged me though, and reminded me of why I am here.

I am happy to be here. It is such a priveledge to be able to live and work here, to be able to be a part of people's lives here. I tend to grumble and complain about all the stress and issues that I have here, but honestly, everytime I walk into the Kindergarten class, and little munchkins launch themselves through the air at me joyfully shouting "Miss SaLAH, Miss SaLAH all of the stress and issues fade away. When I leave a classroom feeling like my students actually learned something, I am jubulant. After the adult ESL classes that I teach in the evenings, I always feel so fulfilled. I know that God brought me here. I know that He had a reason in doing it. I really am thankful to be here. I am thankful to serve a God that know the purpose in our struggles, and Who feels the pain of them too.

Missin' Christmas

I'm feelin a bit homesick for Christmas. I'm missing the snow, the decorations, the parties, the music... I'm missing my family and friends. I miss the whole feel of Christmas. Whimper whimper. As I it here typing this, thinking about Christmas and all that goes with it, buddhist monks are walking along the street outside of my window in their bright orange togas. It's really cool to see that every morning, and even cooler to have the opportunity to be a part of the lives of the people here. They are amazing, and I do love it, but I'm still a totally girl. I still miss home. I am going to try not to think about it though. I am going to enjoy this right now, and next year I will enjoy being home. That's the plan at least.

Cockroaches and Mosquitoes

I share my home. I am benevolent enough to share my home, (I really don't have much choice) and the unusually large, exceptionally ugly six legged creatures that I share it with don't even show any gratitude. It's actually quite annoying, and I wish they would find another home, but they seem quite satisfied with the one that they've got. The other residents of my home are just plain vicious. They feast on my flesh whenever they get the chance, leaving big red welts all over my body, that itche for days. Annoying.

One More Week

Only one more week before my brother gets here, and I am going to have most of the vacation time that was promised to me. Thanks God he's coming and thank God I get to hang otu with him. I am so excited. It will be so nice to have him here. I want to show him everything, but there's definately not enough time for that, so we'll just do what we can. It will be so nice to have family here, someone who has known me longer than a couple of months.

Last night I stayed in and watched movies with my roomate. Man I hope she stays here when she comes back after New Years. It would really suck to lose her. I am so glad she's here right now. It's nice to have someone else to decorate, and plan with during the Christmas season. We made french toast for dinner and watched movies. I made fried apples while we watched White Christmas. The whole place smelled like apples and cinnamon. It was so relaxing. I love the movie White Christmas. Call me a sap, but for me it's classic. I may even watch it again before the season ends.

So now back to school. This week is going to be pretty high stress. Saturday is our Grand Opening ceremony and our Christmas production. With the lack of communication and planning that we deal with here it's sure to be a very stressful time and an interesting event. I can't wait until it's over.

Distance...

I haven't written in a while. I've been running non-stop and I really don't have anything worth writing anyway. I would love to vent, because there is plenty to complain about, but I already do that far too much. I am trying to learn to bite my tongue when it comes to complaining, but sometimes it's really hard.

I've talked to friends and family from home a little lately. That's been nice. It always reminds me of how big the gap between us is though, how different my life is from theirs. I live in another world here. Sometimes it's exciting. Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it's just surreal. There is a place that used to be so real to me, where people live who mean so much to me, and a way of life that was my own, but now it's beginning to seem distant and hazy. There people sleep while I work, and work while I sleep. I wish them good morning right before I go to bed for the night. They are wearing coats and scarves, while I sweat in a tank top. It is all very strange. I am sure that when I move back it will take me no time to jump right back into the swing of things, but sometimes hearing about it while I am here makes it seem so distant. How very odd.

Highlights and Stress

I went away for the weekend, and it was a lot of fun. I was the only English speaker in the whole group, so there were definitely language issues and a lot of laughter as a result. I had no clue what was going on ever, I just followed familiar faces. We did all the typical Thai stuff that I hadn't done yet. We rode elephants, went bamboo rafting, and visited temples. We even slept on the river in a bamboo raft / hut. We went to the bridge across the River Kwai, the one that was built by Allied POW's for the Japanese during WWII. We also went to the cemetery of the soldiers who died there. I must have been emotional, because as soon as I walked into the cemetery, the history of the place and the messages on the headstones overwhelmed me and I started bawling. I couldn't stop until I had walked out of the cemetery. The people I was with didn't quite know what to do with me. They kept glancing at me anxiously. When we left the cemetery some of the ladies put flowers in my hair, and told me I was "suh-why," beautiful. That was a sweet expression of comfort.

Last night when I came home though I went back into the slump of Saturday. My roommate hasn't been here this weekend, so it's been a little lonely. I am not looking forward to the point when she leaves for good. I don't know why, but I just don't feel like I fit in with the people here. They are all really nice, but I just don't fit into their circle. Sometimes I just really miss my family and friends from home.

Sometimes the idea of going home makes me nervous. My biggest concern is the job thing. Will I be able to get a decent job when I get home? And if I do, will I like it, or will I be completely miserable in it? What will it be like living at home as an adult. It's gonna be weird. I am totally used to doing my own thing. Will I be able to afford life in the U.S.? It will be really weird going back to that kind of economy again. I live quite comfortably here on the salary that I have, things are a lot different in the States. I probably shouldn't be worrying about it all already, but I am pretty good about worrying ahead. Stress.

A Two-foot Tree

I met that a pastor from the U.S. downtown today for breakfast. It was nice to chat with him. It made me realize though, what a different world I live in here. I am not sure what it was about the conversation that triggered that feeling. I suddenly felt really out of touch with America. It was quite strange. After he left I spent the rest of the day wandering around Bangkok by myself. It was kind of nice to just wander without rhyme or reason, all by myself in the city. I got to explore neighborhoods that I hadn't seen before. I wandered around some really ritzy touristy areas. Bangkok has some nice areas. I also wandered around other areas that were not dripping with the same amount of wealth as the ritzy areas. I felt a little more comfortable there.

While I was out I bought a Christmas cd, a two-foot tree, and some decorations for it. When I came home I borrowed a cd player, put on my cd, and decorated my little sitting room for Christmas. It was exciting, but it also made me a little homesick. I have been doing good lately, but tonight I am slipping a little. I think I am just tired and emotional.

Tomorrow I leave at 6 a.m. for a province a little north of here. Some of my evening students are taking me away for two days. It's going to be fun, and probably pretty funny, since there will definately be langauge issues. I hope that it's a little relaxing. I need some R&R.

Any Requests?

I am feeling overwhelmed. I have so much going on that I don't have time to sleep. I think that's probably how everybody feels at this time of year, but I am not even living in the land of Christmas. My problem is that I don't know how to say no. I misjudge my limits. I want to do everything for and with everyone, and I go overboard. I have been sick for about 9 days now, and I think it's just because I never stop to sleep. I am excited that it is the weekend, but even in the weekend there is no stopping. I am just doing less regulated stuff. Man, I need to learn to prioritize!

I am getting so excited about Christmas!!! Eventhough it's not like Christmas at home, I love the challenge of making my life in this place Christmassy. I'm also pretty excited that my brother is coming. That may have something to do with it. I am going downtown today to meet a guy who my mother knows from the States. I am meeting him for breakfast. Maybe I can do some Christmas shopping while I am down there. I am going to do a lot of Christmas shopping while my bro is here too so that I can send stuff home with him. I am not sure what to get everybody though, so all of you reading this, leave your requests in the comment box.

Friday

It's Friday! What a wonderful ring that has to it. Ah Friday. Such a wonderful day. Quite possibly my favorite day of the week. It would make sense that Saturday would be my favorite day because I have the whole day off, but I think I like Friday even better than Saturday. I love the potential that Friday represents. I love standing at the beginning of the weekend and looking at all the possibilities it holds. T G I F!

Deck the Halls

I got a package today from my grandparents of wrapped Christmas presents! I am so excited!!! I heard I had gotten a package so I went home on my lunch break just to see what it was, and that's what I got. I was bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day. I am such a child. I took them immediately upstairs to my little sitting room and arranged them very nicely on my coffee table. They make my little home look like Christmas! I refuse to open them before Christmas Day. I want them to sit there on that table calling to me tauntingly throughout the whole season just like the ones under the tree at home do. I hope one of them is Grandma's apple butter! Hers is my favorite and I have been craving it since I got here and I have been talking about it to everyone here. They had never even heard of apple butter! They are probably tired of hearing about it now though. The presents inspired me to go out after school today and buy some of those little twinkle lights to put up in my sitting room / bed room area. Hopefully I can find some other stuff to decorate with as well. I may be in Thailand, but it's still Christmas!!!

Bad Attitude

To add to my not-so-great attitude about working here I just found out that the two weeks paid vacation that I was promised for Christmas has just been shortened to one. Not too excited about that! I wouldn't be so upset about that if my brother weren't coming all the way to Thailand for the break, but he is, so I'm struggling once again with my attitude about working here. How can they change something like that three weeks before it's supposed to happen? What's the deal? I admire people who are motivated, but when you are so driven that you are running people over and crushing them, it's not quite so admirable. I am not just talking about me. I hate watching the people around me get run itno the ground because of somebody's own personal ambition. Lord, help me with my attitude.

My Day

My roommate and I joined two of the GES teachers and went to a Thai church today in a bit of a slummy area towards downtown. I felt more at home there than at just about any other church that I've been to here. It totally reminded me why I am here. It was a small congregation that met in the middle of this old mall building that was partially open to the out doors. I felt completely comfortable worshipping there. There were no pretenses, no airs. The people there were real and welcoming. Some farong were in the congregation. They were all fluent in Thai. One lady translated for us. I immediately felt like I was in the midst of friends. The people there were approachable and warm. Their purpose is to reach out. They were casual, they didn't make you feel uncomfortable if you weren't dressed a certain way or if you didn't behave a certain way. I loved it. I'll definitely being going back again.

This afternoon I went to the Ministry of Health with my roommate, Gift, and Mink to swim. It was a lot of fun. I was actually cold in the water. I get excited about being cold here because it never happens.

Tonight, while everybody was gathered around the TV watching Charlie Brown's Christmas, I served them the apple cake that I had made yesterday. When the movie was over we all sang Christmas carols. I know it sounds cheesy, but I am missing the whole feel of the Christmas season, so I am willing to be a bit cheesy every so often.

Tomorrow it's back to work. I wish I didn't dread it so much. I love Thailand, but man I don't like my job very much. I like my students and I like teaching them, but I really don't like the working environment here. I do my job to support myself, but my real passion here is teaching my evening class. I am also hoping to get involved in some outreach stuff that the church that I went to today is involved in. I guess that I can't have one without the other.

A Kaleidoscope of Thoughts

Today was such a chill day. It was really nice. I hung out in my building all day. I talked to my brother on the phone this morning, and then random things around the house. This had been the never-ending week. It's been so long and draining. It was nice to go nowhere and do nothing today. It was nice to accomplish things that I needed to accomplish with out being watched or criticized as I worked. I love days off.

Last night my evening ESL students took me out to a festival at the river. It was a lot of fun. I love hanging out with them. They totally treated me to the whole entire night. The river area was beautiful. We went to a park. There was a carnival and random shows set up around the grounds, and a bit of a night market going on. All the colorful lights made it so festive and pretty. It was a really good night.

My roommate did a visa run to Cambodia today. She came back pretty somber. She said that just seeing the extreme conditions there that the people live in really puts life into perspective. She talked a little about the poverty and hopelessness there. It was really sad. I was reminded of how trivial my problems are. It made me kind of want to do relief work there. I have so many random ideas all the time though. Who knows if anything will come of it.

It was good to talk to my brother this morning. I love that we're family and we're such good friends. I love that he knows me so well and yet he still loves me. I love that we can talk about anything, that we understand each other so well, and that we have so much in common. I miss him a lot. I am so happy that he is coming for Christmas though. I am really excited that I will be able to share this part of my life with him, that he will be able to see who I am here and how I live. I love that when I go home I will have someone who I can talk about life here with, and he will be able to identify with me a bit because he's been here and seen it. He really is such a blessing.

God really spoiled me with the people He's put in my life. Each one is so special and so unique. I have the most remarkable friends and family, so many people who love and pray for me, so many people whom I love and pray for. They are scattered all over the place too. All over North America and the world. It truly is amazing.

Ramblings

Tonight my little community of farong is having a Thanksgiving dinner. I am looking forward to it with a twinge of homesickness. I am really glad we are having Thanksgiving here, because I was really missing the whole holiday season. I made an apple pie for the event. It's strange that baking can be nastalgic. I haven't baked since I got here, and I bake all the time when I am at home. It was fun to bake because it made me really feel like I was preparing for Thankgiving, but it made me miss being in the kitchen with my mom during the holiday season. Thankfully my roomate came back from her weekend get-a-way and joined me in the kitchen. That made it fun. I am quite happy to have her back. She is talking about leaving before Christmas though. That will stink. I really like having her here.

Last night after I finished teaching my evening class I joined with (the other evening ESL teacher) David's class in his going away party. Man, am I going to miss him! I know his students are going to miss him. He's been here almost as long as me, and it feels like he should stay as long as me. Our little group of friends is going to have a huge hole in it when he leaves. Today is his Birthday so we are going to have a little luncheon for him with the evening ESL staff.

I have this issue with getting attatched to people and places, and then leaving them. I can't seem to stay in one place for very long, but I am always homesick for someplace, someone or something. I like it here in Thailand (it took me a while) and I know that when I leave here I am really going to be homesick for this place and these people, but while I am here I am homesick for my home, my family, friends, and culture. I am also homesick for Egypt. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Right now this is home to me, Over the summer our little apartment in Cairo was home. Before that Virginia was home, and it just keeps going. Of course my parents house is always home to me, but I feel like a splintered person. Part of me is always missing something. I have been at home in so many places that no place feels like it is completely home. I wonder if it will be like this forever.

To Tom

Happy Birthday!!!

Another one...

Another day I am not ready to face. My head is hurting, and I don't even want to think of all the things I have to do this week. The weekend can't come soon enough.

Monday

Another Monday and I'm dreading the week. If I can just get through this day I'll be happy, but I'm just not excited to get it started. I do not want to walk into that office this morning. I do not want to face my boss. I just want to go back to bed and sleep for a really long time. Honestly, I don't know what my problem is, but the thought of facing the day today makes me sick to my stomach. Get me through this day. Get me through this week.

I ate a grasshopper.

Tonight was a fun night. Six of us girls decided to take the river taxi to the Bangkok Theater Festival. There were a bunch of Thai thespians, Thai dancers, breakdancers, musicians, comedians, and gymnasts performing etc. At this historic park in Bangkok. The performances were really cool, for the most part. Of course the comedians were not very funny to me since I am I have to really strain to understand even a few random words in Thai, but the others were quite entertaining. After we had wandered amongst the performances for a while we decided that we were starving, so we wandered toward Khao San Road (the backpacker haven in Bangkok) to find a place to eat. We found this cute little Jazz pizzeria actually run by an Italian man. We had supper there (mmm) and wandered around the Khao San area for a while. Somewhere along the way this British guy sitting on the street started talking to us. He was sitting with a couple of Thai guys drinking Thai rum and tonic and munching on random snacks. He offered us some, proclaiming the they were "quite good really, just like potato crisps, a wonderful accompaniment to a little shot of Thai whiskey or such." He dropped a morsel into my hand to try one, and I found myself holding a fried grasshopper. "Don't worry they're flavored. They really just taste like soy sauce." A couple of the other girls were a bit grossed out by this, but I was fairly intrigued. I wanted to eat it just so that I could say that I had eaten a fried grasshopper. So I watched him toss back a few and then I popped my own into my mouth and crunched down on it. He was right, it did taste like soy sauce. He offered me a sip of his rum to wash it down with, but I politely declined and swallowed. Not bad. After seeing that I had survived the crunchy little entree, three of the other girls tried them. They didn't find them to be so bad either. Maybe one day fried grasshoppers will become the snack food of choice and Frito Lays will get in on the deal. Then again, maybe not.

A Moment of Transparency

The other night at Bible study we talked about peace. What is peace? Do I have peace? When the word peace is spoken it brings to mind thoughts of bonfires with my friends, or being gathered around the firplace with my family on a cold winter night. Different scenarios like that come to mind depending on my situation and my circumstances.

The other night as I was reading through Scriptures on peace I realized that scenes like that do not really represent peace. They represent comfort and are often accompanied by peace, but scenes like that are not what peace is. As I read about Mary's reaction to the news that she was to give birth to Christ, I saw real peace, not comfort. What she was to go through would not be comfortable at all, but she showed simple trust and acceptance. What a beautiful picture of peace. She would have to go through much: early motherhood, the gossip and disapproval of her family and community, and raising the Son of God as her own and then watching Him suffer and die. It would certainly not be comfortable, and yet her response to the Lord was, "Whatever You will, let it be unto me." That's peace.

True peace is probably much too great a concept to define, but I recognize it in Mary, and I think it has something to do with her simple trust in God and acceptance of His plan for her life. She was willing to be used by Him, willing to endure because she knew her God was in control, that His purpose was higher than hers, and that He loved her even more intimately than she could even love herself.

Do I have that kind of peace? The kind that supercedes my circumstances, my physical and emotional comfort? Honestly, often I don't. I want to fight God's will, I want my own will. So often I lack the simple acceptance of what He has for me. My will has yet to be conquered. I am still selfish and shallow.

Change

It's weird that time passes when I am not there to see it pass. Things change, people change, relationships change, and I'm not there to experience it all for myself. People who have been in my life all of my life pass away, and I cannot attend the funeral. When I return my family will be changed, my friends will be changed, so many things will be different. I know that's part of being away, and I should be used to it by now, but with recent, random events taking place it's been bothering me a little. I wish I could freeze life at home while I am away, so that things would be the same when I get back. It wouldn't work though, because I would be different, so things would be different anyway. Life is change, I just have to deal with that, and do my best to change for the better.

Weekend Wanderings

This past weekend was fun. David, the other evening teacher, my roomate, and I went away with a couple of the evening English students for a weekend. Gift, one of David's students invited us to her cousin's house for the weekend. A bunch of her family was there for the weekend, so we got to meet them and hang out with them a bit. It was fun chillin' with a Thai family, in a Thai house. We went to the beach, climbed through the hills, found a waterfall to swim in, and toured the market for dinner. The language barrier created plenty of comedy, and we all (farong and Thai alike) spent a lot of time laughing. Gift's cousin invited us back for the fruit festival in a couple of months. Of the three farong on the trip I will be the only one still in the country, but I think it would be fun to go. It was nice being in real Thailand. There were no tourists anywhere we went. We were just part of the family we were with. It was fun.

Hairstyles and Hip Hop

I got paid to have my hair washed today. How great is that? Only in Thailand. This shampoo testing center wanted long farong hair, and my hair is hitting the middle of my back lately (I need to get it cut) and I am reminded hourly of the fact that I am a farong, so I fit the bill, and they paid the bill! It was nice, like getting paid to get a full head massage and hairstyle. Good stuff.

Tonight I hung out with the evening English crew and my students taught me useful Thai slang to toss into random conversations. Of course they picked up on the American slang much better that I did on the Thai slang, and they used it on me!

Today one of my grade six students put a baseball cap on cock-eyed, swaggered up to me, and said, "I'm hip hop, yo," in the most hilarious Thai accent. So funny! Thai-ghetto subculture is surfacing. Moments like those are priceless Thailand moments.

I'm Not Alone Anymore!

I have a roomate!!! I don't know how long she will be here, but I am happy that she's here. I'ts nice not coming home to an empty living quarters. I have spent more time in my sitting room in the past three days since she's been here than I have the in the past three months. And she's real. She's totally real. She doesn't put up a front. She tells you just what she thinks and feels. It's great. I've struggled a lot with feeling very different from the people in the little community that I live in. I have had a hard time relating to the people around me, but so far I feel like can relate to her. I don't have to qualify and justify everything that I say around her. I don't have to cushion everything that I say around her. I can actually be myself. What a refreshing feeling.

Dissatisfied

Honestly, what is my problem? I don't know what to do with myself. I talked to Jason online tonight. He was at Cafe Bean with Tom. He was getting ready to perform, and I would have given anything to just be there to watch him play. I talked to my mom online too. She was telling me about decorating the house for Thanksgiving, about fall, about family. I miss my family and friends so much. I miss my home. Am I ever satisfied? When I am home I want to go and do and travel and see and do. When I am away I just want to go home. What is wrong with me?

Hmph

Sometimes I look at the people around me and the talents that they have and I just wish that I was good at something. I have some of the most amazing friends, smart, artistic, musical, poetic, and I've got nothing to offer. I wish there was talent burried somewhere deep inside. Maybe it's just burried too deep for me to unearth it. Maybe I'm just one of those sad cases with no talents! Is drinking coffee a talent?

The Joys of Teaching

Now that school is back in session, my evening classes have started back up, and my tutoring hours are increasing, I haven't had much time to write. The past several days the computers have been jammed anyway with election watchers, most of which aren't even American. I, of course, did my share of watching as well. Speaking of elections, Tom's site was the highlight of my night tonight. Check it out if you get a chance.

Today was really busy. I taught my full schedule at school today plus I doubled up on several classes because another teacher was unable to be there, so no breaks or prep time for me today! When school was over I had a meeting with parents, then tutoring, then prep for my evening class, then I taugh the evening class, then I went out with the other teacher and some of the students. I basically have not stopped since 5:30 this morning! I am loving it though. I am happy to be back in the swing of things. I am happy to be busy. I was sitting in one of my classes this morning watching as the students worked on an assignment together, and in that moment I just brimmed over with love for them. The pride swelled up within my chest as I gazed tenderly on MY students working together so dutifully. The feeling ebbed a bit later in the day when those same little angels were running around, hooping and hollering, and jumping on each other like little monkeys. It's those good moments that make teaching worth it, that make those not so great moments endurable. It took me a while to experience the joy that follows all of the frustration (and for me, tears) of teaching, but I am glad that I am finally getting there. It truly is a rewarding job.

My night class on the other hand has been rewarding and enjoyable from the beginning. I love teaching university students and adults. They come because they are interested in learning. They are excited about what I have to teach them, and they make an effort to understand, even when it is difficult for them. The harder they work the harder I want to work, and vice versa. They are also just fun to relate with. Many of them are my age, so after I am done being the teacher, and they are done being the students, we can just hang out and goof off. It's great. The culture gap always provides interesting conversation as well as comic relief. It's a lot of fun.

Safety First

Last night I went with a bunch of my friends to a movie in downtown. It was a late movie, so Bangkok was pretty dead when we got there, and even more so when we got out. It was weird to see the place so muted. Anyway, several of us found ourselves locked out of our building when we got back. We have key to the lock, but then a metal latch is put in place as well, and we can't unlatch it from the outside. I don't understand why exactly they do that. I know we had somebody break in this past month, so they were trying to take all precautionary measures, but it really didn't make too much sense to me. Anyway it took us a while, huddled around the door hacking at it with various tools and other objects, to break in. Nothing like having to break into my own building, and then knowing that a novice like myself has the ability to break in once I find success. That's security at it's finest.

Looking Ahead

So I have been planning and thinking about next year a lot. My plans morph daily of course, but I think I am starting to get an idea of what I am going to do next year and I am excited about it. When things are rough here it's nice remember that my contract ends in May and that I can choose another route after that. It's wonderful to have options. It's good to have something to look ahead to, it helps me to get through the rough times. I am planning to move home for sure. I have several ideas of what else I am going to do but they are not fully formed yet. Just knowing that I will see the leaves change next year makes this one more bearable. Honestly, it's not always miserable. I really do like living here, I just always seem to write at my down moments. Anyway, happy toughts of what is to come help me to get through what is, and I am so excited about next year.

I love the internet!

I have been on the internet for a long time this morning. I spend a lot of time on-line. I think that the people around me see that as a flaw, but I dissagree. I think it is a God-send. I love being able to be part of my friends and family's lives even when I am living on the other side of the globe. I have so many amazing people in my life who are very important to me. I couldn't imagine not being able to communicate with them, so regardless what peole say; props to the internet! Oh, and I really miss you guys.

Back in Bangkok!

I'm back! It is good to be home after travelling, and believe it or not I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. The bilingual department at our school is making some changes that will hopefully improve the way things run a little. I hope it really does.

My trip north was incrediby encouraging. I spent some time with some missionaries up there. It's incredible the affect that one conversation can have. I guess it's because that conversation is backed up by a life lived. I met a lady named Marg while I was in the north. She had the most settled and contented spirit of anyone I have ever met. She works at a home for orphaned and abandoned babies. She gave up a nice job with Delta Airlines five years before to move to a remote little village in Thailand to work at a babies home. She simply told us about her life, her relationship with God, and how the hand of God was evident through every part of her moment of her life. She is somebody who's relationship with God is so close and so real. I envy that. I wish I was that close to God. I wish that I had the same peace and love that she has. Lord let it be in me...

Down Day (again)

Why am I so depressed this weekend? I am in the midst of holiday. I should be enjoying myself. Instead I have been miserable. I am really lonely lately. I don't feel like I can connect with the few people around me who can actually speak my language. I feel somehow removed from the people around me. I don't know why.

I'm really missing the United States this weekend. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my culture. I am pretty certain that I am not signing for another year here. I think that I want to go home for a while. I don't know what my problem is. I should be enjoying myself. I should be making the most of this experience. I guess I am just having a down weekend. I need to pull myself out of this thing -- whatever it is -- but instead all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide. May can't come soon enough today.

I am leaving again tonight. I am heading north with a couple of people. We are going to do a bunch of cool stuff. Maybe that'll pull me out of this thing. I hope so. Living here and working here is a great opportunity. I am incredibly priveledged in my position here. I know I need to enjoy it, to make the most of it. I just need to be thankful. Lord, help...

Lonely Day

Man, I'm lonely today. This place is dead. Everybody who speaks my language is somewhere else. It really sucks. I don't like the stranded feeling of not being able to drive here. I hate relying on public transportation. I guess I am just used to American independance, and I am struggling with the lack of it here. I didn't expect to struggle with as many culture issues as I have here. I guess that's all part of moving to another country.

Being in Phi Phi was nice because I was surrounded by westerners. I ate familiar food and heard English spoken. For many of the tourists there it may have felt like they were diving into Thai culture, but for me it totally felt like an escape from it. It felt a little like a trip home, to my own culture. I am not saying that I don't like Thai culture, or that I want to escape it. It is just nice to have something familiar every so often.

I talked to my brother on-line today. Man, I miss him. It is so nice to have a brother around, to have a big guy who always takes my side, who has to love me becuase he's blood. It's nice to have someone to hide behind when there is drama in life, someone who understands me better than most because he's been through the most with me. He makes me feel secure. I kind of feel bad for people who don't have siblings. I can't imagine life without them. Anyway, my brother is coming in December, and I am so fricken excited about it. I can't wait to just have him here.

Back in Bangkok...Briefly

I'm back in Bangkok for the weekend back to the traffic, pollution, and the soi dogs. I am just here long enought to wash some laundry and regroup before heading north, but I still feel the stress of the place as if I were here to work. I don't like living where I work, because there is no boundry between the two. I feel like there is no place to hide, no place where I can go where I don't have to think about work. Ah well, I guess that's life.

Paradise

I am on Koh Phi Phi Don. I am in paradise. This place is amazing. It is a backpacker's dream come true, a tropical island where everything is incredibly cheap. I don't want to leave today, but I must. There are other horizons to explore. I am having a great time on my travels so far though. I have really enjoyed just wandering around the island watching and meeting new people. The friends that I am traveling with don't really share my intrigue of people though, which kind of stinks. They would be perfectly happy if there were no other people here besides us. For me the people here are the biggest part of the lure of the place. The fact that it's a tropical paradise has something to do with that too, but I am loving the blending of cultures that I find here. I have met people from all over the world. Each one comes with his own story to tell. Each one is on his own great adventure. It's all so fascinating to me. It makes me miss Jase, Jeremy, Donya, and both Toms. You guys would love it here. You would understand my interest in people too. We need to go on a backpacking trip together.

Read it

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

Great book. Read it.

I don't have much to say today. My backpack is packed and ready to go. I am just ready to get on that plane.

Lack of communication at work continues to be frustrating. Two more communication failures today. Everything at my work seems to run on assumptions. They just assume that I am super woman, and that I can do anything. They also assume that my life is built around work and that I can just reorganize everything in it for them. I know it is just a cultural difference, but I am really having a hard time adjusting to it. I don't like to be just thrown into a random classroom with no warning and no materials and just told to teach something. I guess I am just used to the North American way of planning and scheduling. I feel like I am just expected to know everything, so nobody tells me anything. Then when I don't know things it's a mess that I have to figure out a way to clean up. I am not by nature a scheduler or planner, but I am used to being surrounded by schedulers, and so I guess that creates the framework for my own chaos. Here there is no framework, it's just chaos. Maybe I am just crazy. That's always a possibility...

Escape!

The day after tomorrow I will be on a plane headed for Phuket and the beaches in the south of Thailand, and after that it's north for me! I am so excited about it! My friends and I just sat and planned out our trip tonight. Ahhh ... three weeks away from the craziness of teaching. It will be so nice. I will actually get to see this lovely country that I live in. I like Bangkok, but I will be happy to get out of the city for a while. I am excited to escape, relax, and then explore. The world can be such an exciting place to live! I want to see as much of it as I can.

Shark Anyone?

I spent the past two days with the teachers from my school on a retreat. It was so nice to get away from the concrete and polution. It was good to see grass. The language barrier was not frustrating at all once I was out of the work environment. It actually proved to be quite funny, and it made the weekend a lot of fun. It learned a little bit more Thai. I tried to use it on my friend Ann. I wanted to ask her if she was going to come eat squid with us, but instead I asked her if she wanted to come eat hammerhead shark with us. Hmm. My language skills need a lot of work!

Tears

A tear falls
A pristine essence,
Liquid emotion,
A toxic substance that purges the soul,
Purifies that heart.
Crystal rings spead outward as it joins the others,
A puddle
A pond
An ocean of life
Of feeling
Of understanding what it is to be alive,
To love, to hurt,
To feel joy, sorrow,
To exude all that is life and living.
The overflow of the heart?
Or simply a testimony of life.

Until we meet again...

Someone who I met and grew quit close to this summer during my time in Egypt recently passed away. He was a precious example of servanthood to me. He was my "Egyptian dad". He taught me how to truely love beyond language barriers, how to build relationships with people who have a completely different culture, and how to express without having to always use words. He cooked, cleaned, and served without complaint the whole time we were there.

It's strange that he has left this earth. It's hard to know that he's gone, that I will never see him on this earth again. It's hard to know that he will not be in Egypt when I return. I miss him a lot, but I know that he is held closely in the loving arms of his Savior. I know that he now feels contentment, a joy and a peace that those of us still trapped within these bodies of flesh have never experienced. He can rest now, and even if I could, I would never want to rob him of that. The amazing thing about knowing Christ is that even in the midst of sorrow there is peace, comfort, and joy. There is security in Him regardless of the circumstances. It is a precious gift that I cherish, that I definately do not deserve, but that I cling to. That does not eliminate the tears however, and I am shedding some as I write this, but they are simply evidence of a life touched.

So although this is a time of loss for us, it is great gain for him, which eases our loss a bit, and makes the sorrow bittersweet. There is no need for good bye, simply until we meet again...

Downpour

So it's rainy season here in Bangkok, and almost nightly our grassway transforms itself into a waterway. Last night I happened to get caught in a friend's house when the rain started. Talk about terrential downpour! It was a monsoon! By the time the rain stopped and I was ready to head home, the grassway between my friend's house and my building was completely under water. I could have canoed home. Instead I rolled up my pant legs, and waded right in. When I got to the soggy earth on the other side I almost stepped on a frog, which threw me off course a bit. By the time I slid into my building I was soaked and muddy from head to toe. What a mess.

This morning I taught my last Saturday English class before October break. I am so excited about October break. I can't wait to go places and do things. I like teaching, but it will be nice to have some time away from it. This afternoon I spent shopping at Chatuchak Market in Mo Chit. It was a lot of fun. I don't usually enjoy shopping too much, but today I really had a good time. I went with a Thai friend, an American friend and a Canadian friend. We just kind of goofed off and enjoyed ourselves. We fought the crowds and tried on clothes and bartered and bargained. I actually purchased things. This was the first time I've really gone shopping since I've been here. I actually went to the market with a little money this time. It's a lot more fun that way. When I got home a bunch of my Thai and farong friends had a barbeque for everyone involved in our evening English program. I had some great rice noodles, morning glory, and squid. I am a fan of Thai food. Tonight it is raining again. This time I am in my own building for the downpour. It's kind of nice. A bunch of my friends and I are here watching movies and drinking hot drinks. Nights like these are perfect movie nights. My friend Mink is staying over with me tonight. It'll be nice to have someone here. Mine is the only occupied room on the floor that I live on, and sometimes it gets a little lonely. I guess that's life.

Just for you, Sarah...

This link is just for you, Sarah....

Coffee Addiction

You DO have an excuse!!
Love ya' ;-)
--0r4cl3

Eat at Joe's

One thing that I haven't gotten used to yet in Thailand is the extreme familiarity between creatures and people. The other night I came home after dark, and since I know my building pretty well now, I decided not to turn on the lights as I made my way toward my room. With my keys in hand, I reached for my doorknob. Apparently I should have given warning of my arrival because I disturbed something. As I grabbed the doorknob a rather large roach jumped on my hand and scurried up my arm. I was a bit startled so I forgot my manners. I gave him a good hard shaking before I sent him flying to the floor. How rude am I? Well I think I make up for it in my benevolent treatment of mosquitoes. I host them daily for a free flesh buffet. It's a huge hit. They tend to overstay their welcome though, and over-eat. I am thinking of closing it down, flooding it out with bugspray or something, but I have never been quite this successful at anything before.

On the Spot

I had so much fun last night. I teach an evening class of mostly university students and young professionals, and it is such a welcome change from my daily elementary school classroom. It's nice to teach students who want to learn. After an evening with that class I am always so happy to be here. Last night we went out after class to this outdoor restaurant with live music. There was a comedian on-stage who spotted me and greeted me from the stage. He made some jokes about the farong in the audience, but I have no clue what he was talking about. It's always exciting to be put on the spot in another country where you don't understand a thing.